Our King of Akitu, ruler with the velvet glove and keeper of the champagne slipper, Zig ApilSin, humbles himself before the great God Marduk. In the "real" Akitu ceremony just the king and a Priest of Marduk are involved. The Priest slaps the king, and then they say prayers. After that, the Priest slaps the king again - HARD - in order to try and make him cry. If the king cries, it's good news for Babylon!

Here is an exerpt from Zig's post on the subject, the real ceremony:

Three and one third hours after sunrise the urigallu called upon the artisans to bring out the Golden Heaven, or baldachino, from the treasury of Marduk, and to cover the chapel of Nabu while reciting an invocation. When this was done the urigallu prepared the table of offerings and poured out wine in praise of Marduk, exalted among the gods. The craftsmen carried it to the banks of the canal to await the arrival of Nabu in his ship and to escort the king to Esagila. There, the king entered the shrine of Marduk and allowed the high priest to remove his crown, ring, sceptre and harpe. He then sat upon a chair before the statue of the god and his regalia was placed on a seat in an inner sanctuary from which the urigallu emerged. The priest then struck the king on the cheek and forced him to his knees before the statue. In this posture the king had to make a negative confession [some of the best known examples of the rite of the negative confession can be found in the various versions of the Egyptian Book of the Dead]:

"I have not sinned, O Lord of the land. I have not been negligent regarding thy divinity; I have not destroyed Babylon; I have not caused its overthrow; I have not neglected the temple Esagila; I have not forgotten its ritual; I have not rained blows on the cheek of a subordinate; I have not humiliated them; I cared for Babylon; I have not broken down its walls."

To this, after a break in the text of about five lines, the high priest replied by a kind of absolution and blessing from Marduk:

"Have no fear,... The god Marduk [will listen to] your prayer, He will magnify your lordship...He will exalt your kingship. On the day of the essesu (new moon)...festival do...In the festival of the Opening of the Gate purify your hands; Day and night [The god Marduk] whose city is Babylon, whose temple is Esagila; Whose dependants are the people of Babylon. The god Marduk will bless you...forever. He will destroy your enemy, fell your adversary."

The urigallu then restored the sceptre, ring, crown and harpe, and struck the king on the cheek with the intention of making tears flow, this being a sign that Marduk was friendly and ready to destroy his enemies.

In our version, however, a line of people are here to slap the king. So, scorned lovers, cuckolds and lovers of the King and Babylon alike, come and Slap the King! Let's bring tons of good luck to Babylon!