Pizza Was Served At The Last Supper!

… and the pies were delivered.

By David Tolsey

STARTLING new research reveals that Jesus and his disciples feasted on pizza at the Last Supper – and the pies were delivered!

And while the majority of the pizzas were cheese or vegetarian, archaeologist Dr. Gilbert Rothschild maintains that at least one of the steaming treats had a meat topping and off of them were delivered.

"When Jesus broke bread with His Disciples, we now know it was, in fact, pizza crust." Rothschild antiquities professor at the famed England’s Fellingham University. "Thin crust to be sure. What really amazes us is how the delivery man managed to carry, we estimate, seven large pizzas through the walls of Jerusalem and up Mount Zion. Six cheese pizzas and one pepperoni, for Judas, we strongly believe."

Rothschild says there’s no doubt that the pizzas were thin crust because The Last Supper was actually a Passover Seder during which only matzos, the cracker-like non-rising bread, is served.

Rothschild and his team of researchers spent the better part of 10 years digging and sifting through the room where the Last Supper was held, as well as the outlying areas of the Dormition Abbey on Mount Zion.

They claim they uncovered the remains of rudimentary pizza boxes, and an in-depth lab analysis confirmed particles of tomato sauce had adhered to the flooring in the room.

"We would’ve saved a lot of time and money had we been able to get our hands on the tablecloth," adds Rothschild. "That said, my decade of research on the Last Supper has been the most fulfilling work of my career."

The findings from the archaeological team have drawn sharp criticism from the Catholic Church, in particular.

"How can these quack researchers say that pizza was delivered to Jesus and His apostles at the Last Supper?" decries Father Terrence O’Donoghue of the Archdiocese of Boston.

"They make it sound like it was some sort of pizza and poker night with the guys. They need to bone up on their Bible readings, I’ll tell you that much. I want them all to sit down and read the canonical gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I suppose they think the Eucharist at Sunday Mass should be Geno’s pizza snacks then."

Rothschild understands his work as shaken the followers of the Christian faith to their very core, saying, "Our research provides us with a clearer picture of what really transpired that night. Jesus and His apostles ordered pizza for delivery – simply astonishing. I think it’s also fascinating to know that Jesus tipped the delivery guy saying, "Take this in remembrance of me."

"And let the art world please note that Leonardo Da Vinci’s painting, while a brilliant creation, was inaccurate. I mean the pizza boxes are nowhere to be found on the table."