And I arrive stumbling and tread clumsily among the leftovers and upturned amphorae and sleeping guests. "Well well well," I drawl. "Seems the Pullos had quite a little party! I'd have loved to attend, but I was... I was... er... can I say I was saving Caesar again? I was doing heroic things, I swear! I made Herculean efforts to be here, but the odds were just against me! I waded through gallons of blood! And I... I... swam oceans of unnamed liquors to keep my strength!"

I look around blearily and perceive the happy couple appearing after what must be the third or fourth night of their honeymoon, so they have absolutely no use for me, but I slap Pullo on the back and blow a kiss to Eirene (in the state I'm in, kissing the bride is out of the question if I value my life). "Congratulations, my friends," I blather. "May you have a long and happy life together with lots of spit in the porrige and oil for massages! And now, one last word..."

I lift my arm in an oratorial pose, then slowly topple sideways and crash down among the debris of the party. My, what a celebration! I'm having such fun and I wasn't even there, just imagine if I had been!