* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"So then, shall we get on with it?" I look around the place and see nothing but nodding heads. I will assume they are indicating 'YES', and not falling asleep. "With Apil's delicate condition, I don't think we should involve him in the heavy labor of this operation. Maybe we can convince Belo to put those big, strong muscles to work? All we have to do, once we get Sokni semi-sober, is just hold the young bird still."

"All right!" I announce, hoisting Junior(ette) onto the table. "Here's the general game plan. We need to hold the bird still, gently but firmly. Need to make sure he doesn't go hurting himself... or someone else. Since Belo is sitting opposite me, we'll let him hold the feet." Belo wraps one mighty hand around each of those skinny little legs. Junior(ette) looks down and decides there's just too much mass to fight.

"Sokni! Your job is to hold his neck, just below the head." Sokni reluctantly relinquishes his bowl of kash and grabs Junior(ette) about the neck. "Not quite so tight!" I caution him. "The eyes shouldn't be bulging out that way!" Sokni eases his grip somewhat and Junior(ette) looks around in incipient panic.

"Now... for my own part..." I grimace. From my pouch, I produce an air bladder from a large fish, fresh caught from the Euphrates this morning, and slip it over my index finger. I grease it up with a bit of Apil's patented hair pomade and get myself into position. With my free hand, I grab the bird's tail feathers and lift them out of the way. Then, verrrry gently, I slip the doctored up digit into the bird's posterior orifice. "Hmmmm...." I mumble, as I feel around for what it is I'm supposed to be looking for. "Ahah! There it is..." I check out the relative size, just like the Ostrich Lady explained. "Ummm-hmmmm..." I mutter, gently withdrawing my finger.

Looking up at our rapt audience, I make the pronouncement! "Ladies and Gentlemen! There's no doubt about it! This is definitely a..."

The bird gives a hunch and a lurch, and a great convulsion runs through its small body. There is a frightening sound, something like "PPTHWWWBBBB!!!", and suddenly I am saturated with stinking ostrich poop.

Some kind soul passes me a towel and I manage to wipe my eyes and most of my face. "Guess I used too much grease?" I say, as I make a mad dash for the baths. My last sight as I exit the room, is the satisfied smirk on "JUNIORETTE'S" face.