I have to admit I'm a little lost around these parts nowadays. I hardly know where to look for news and for old friends.

Was there a party? Did I miss it?

If there was a party, I was probably suitably soused at the time it occurred. Although I just can't imbibe like I used to. Three or four amphorae of vermouth on the kalends and I don't wake up until the ides.

Didius Festus
(struggling desperately to maintain my image as a rough-and-wild partier)