LYSISTRATA, Opening Day.

Author: * Messalina Terentius - 5 Posts on this thread out of 730 Posts sitewide.
Date: Aug 28, 2004 - 13:18

The afternoon of the opening of Lysistrata the great theater of Alexandria was jammed to overflowing. Messalina peeked out at the audience from back stage. She was more nervous that usual for the rumor had reached her that the Alexandrians were skeptical and suspicious that a Roman actress would even attempt a classic.

There were murmurs and heated discussions in the jostling throng as they took their seats.
“Who is this Messalina anyway?” A man from the Jewish Quarter said to his friend.
“No doubt a favorite plaything of the Emperor.” Said his young friend.
“Well, if she is anything like her image that is plastered all over the city I can see where her talents lay. In her lap!” They both erupted into peals of laughter.
In the front row sat a group of Greek scholars from the Museion complete with copies of the play. They were intent to follow word for word eager to catch any mistake against their beloved classic. “I bet she does it in Latin. The Romans are so lazy when it comes to our language.”
Further up in the higher seats two Egyptian women in from the country for a shopping spree and a bit of culture were wide eyed at the splendor of the theater and the prospect of seeing in the flesh a real Roman with such a scandal ridden past.
“I hear that she has had seven husbands and innumerous lovers.” Said the lady with the pretty new earrings.
“I heard that it was eight husbands and they all died mysteriously. It is whispered that she has a stable of male slaves of such beauty that it shocks even the Romans.” Replied her slightly plump friend.
“Yes and she has orgies with them every night. I saw one of them in the market yesterday. I must say he was impressive. All those muscles and he wore a tunic shorter than the law allows.”
“They say her male slaves wear no underwear at all so that she can fondle them at dinner.”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“Too bad the wind wasn’t blowing in the market yesterday. I might have gotten a free show.” Her pretty new earrings danced as she laughed.
Messalina stepped back into the shadows of the recesses of the backstage.
“A tough house?” Said Calpurnia who played Lysistrata’s friend Cleonice.
“I’ll say.” Messalina turned to a large bronze mirror to check her costume. “We have our work cut out for us.”
There was a clash of cymbals and followed by the call of trumpets. The audience fell into a tenuous hush.
“Good luck” Said Calpurnia.
“Break a leg.” Said Messalina. Just before she hit the stage she saw fat old Bibulous the director biting his nails.
“We are all going to be ruined!” He hissed as she passed.
There was a smattering of applause as she walked onto the stage.
“Shake it Messalina!” Someone called from high above followed by laughter and a few wolf whistles.
Messalina reclined upon a silken couch and opened her mouth to speak.

“Ah! if only they had been invited to a Bacchic reveling, or a
feast of Pan or Aphrodite or Genetyllis, why! The streets would have
been impassable for the thronging tambourines! Now there's never a
woman here-ah! Except my neighbour Cleonice, whom I see approaching
yonder.... Good day, Cleonice.

There was a singular gasp from the audience that caused Calpurnia to pause as she entered.
“She is speaking in Greek!” Said one of her detractors from the Museion.
Calpurnia was about to speak her first line when the entire theater exploded into a ear rending cheer!

“Good day, Lysistrata; but pray, why this dark, forbidding face, my
dear? Believe me, you don't look a bit pretty with those black
glowering brows.”

“Yes she does, she’s gorgeous! “ Came a shout from the Jew. His friend blew kisses to Messalina and yelled.
“Hail Messalina! Aphrodite come to earth!”
The audience as if entranced and of one mind leaned forward in anticipation of Messalina’s golden voice and the next line. Messalina smiled and waited a beat to tease them.
“Oh, Cleonice, my heart is on fire; I blush for our sex. Men will
have it that we are tricky and sly....”

By the end of the play Alexandria was Messalina’s conquest. When the last line by the character Laconian was sung:

“oh! chaste and beauteous
goddess, daughter of Leto, Artemis, do thou lead the song and dance.
With a fillet binding thy waving tresses, appear in thy loveliness;
leap like a fawn, strike thy divine hands together to animate the
dance, and aid us to renown the valiant goddess of battles, great
Athena of the Brazen House!”

The throng rushed the stage cheering and some were in tears. All were convince that she could not be Roman but a Greek kidnapped from Athens at birth. They picked Messalina up and placed her on her silken couch and carried her though the city streets shouting. “Messalina the magnificent!”
And so it happened that the second conquest of Egypt by Rome was achieved by a woman.