After some gram communications, Vort has admitted that frankly the question is too damn hard, and he's going to have to wait until Vicky gets home to ask her help.

The poser from Ulysses:

"Mr Bloom watched curiously, kindly, the lithe black form. Clean to see: the gloss of her sleek hide, the white button under the butt of her tail, the green flashing eyes. He bent down to her, his hands on his...[sorry, can't publish all of it - it IS a pornographic novel, you know - at least the judge got that much right]"

This is the seminal event of Ulysses. Explain the allusion?

The solution:

Ignoring Con's new-age math, we first look at our hands, and count our fingers = ten (thank Homer, we've all got 10, eh?). That's the number of years for the Iliad.

Next, we take off our shoes and socks. Counting off the toes, we see another ten, which is how long Ulysses was away. Counting backwards from the big toe, we get to the corn plaster, add two ears, scratch our nose, and contemplate our navel. Then we carry the ears, Homer nose, and remove our clothes, which comes to 7.

And that's the answer!

Ulysses spent 3 years travelling, and 7 years shagging that sexy black pussy Calypso.

And if that's puerile rubbish, I'm Damonqui's uncle!