We're actually not sure what ever became of the rest of Alynnnnnne's brain cells, but we're pretty certain that another shot won't hurt. Hell, it'll probably help.

Ladies and gentlemen, while my esteemed colleague Angus rounds up...well, whatever it is he actually rounds up for this shindig, we have MORE entertainment for you!

several pieces of rotting fruits and vegetables careen towards Culann, but with cat-like speed and reflexes, the entertainment director deftly dodges them...

Thank you! Thank you so much for your donations of food!

Ladies and gentlemen, our next act is a blast from the past! Remember blow-combs? Did you feather your hair while watching "Starsky and Hutch"? Did you want to BE Huggy-Bear? Did you get your Legionnaire's disease shot yet? Remember Nick Gilder and his hit song? Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, hair still feathered, hot pants still hot, platforms still high, his voice still higher than your little sister's...

NICK GILDER!

The lights go down, and with great ceremony, come up again slowly as an aging drag queen is shuffled out onto the stage, replete with out-of-tune Gibson Les Paul and purple eye-shadow.

Propped in front of the mic, Nick Gilder begins the opening chords of his one hit, "Hot Child In The City". Upon the second chord of the song, all six strings on his guitar simultaneously break, erupting in a mass of twisted metal, whipping about like things alive...the B-string takes on a life of its own, and as Nick begins to croak out the opening lines of the song, the B-string wraps itself around Nick Gilder's narrow, nancy-boy neck and strangles him in a matter of heartbeats...

Nick Gilder falls dead on the stage, a victim of his guitar, who apparently hates him as much as everyone else does...

*insert your own "G-string joke here*