It was a dark and stormy night. A shot rang out. The maid screamed. And the handsome chisel-faced man with the iron gray hair tapped the arms of his throne-like chair and stared off into the distance (which wasn't as easy to do as one might think since he had only one eye). "Klytus, I'm bored. What new plaything do you have for me today?" "Why do you always ask me that?" responded the harassed clerk. "You're the All-Seer. You know what's on tap for the day." "Just because I know doesn't mean I don't like to ask," Odin replied coldly. "I'm the All-Father. So show a little respect." He clipped Klytus on the ear with a bony finger. "Ow! Okay okay okay. Huginn and Muninn are on their way in now. They responded to the alarm Freya set off." "Yes," Odin nodded wisely. "They are bringing me a feisty little red-head." He sighed adding, "and Loki." The All-Father remained silent, waiting. Eventually, a mighty "caw" (ravenlike, not at all crowlike) heralded the arrival of Huginn and Muninn. Cornellia was dropped unceremoniously onto the oak planking. Loki, being Loki, landed on his feet. "Hail All Father," he bowed. "Looking good." "Silence, rogue." Odin snapped his fingers and the ravens shrank to their normal size. One landed on each of Odin's shoulders. "Who are you?" Odin looked down at Cornellia who had risen to her feet with Loki's assistance. "And why do you trouble us?" "Well, my name is Cornellia Cornelius. I'm a demi. Um… I'm on a quest for—" "Yes, yes. I know," Odin interrupted waving a hand negligently. "I just wanted to hear you say it. Meaning of life stuff." Cornellia blinked. (Not flirtatiously. Thoughtfully. As in "what is this guy, a mind reader?") Odin smiled. "I am the All Seer, and of course my friends here bring me all the news, even that which is not fit to print." "What?" Cornellia was confused. "Sorry. Sometimes the burden of knowing so much causes me to mis-reference materials." He smiled, like an ice berg breaking into tiny little bits (but not like one affected by the so-called "global warming"). "You have come here seeking eternal youth, the secret of gaining limitless wealth and sundry other desirable commodities. Is that correct?" "Well, yes. But—" "You will not find what you seek here." He shrugged and held up one finger to silence her. "It is possible, however, that we can reach an agreement that will assist you in locating your heart's desire." "You want to make a deal?" Odin nodded. "What kind of a deal?" Odin shrugged. "A deal deal." "Like in the movies or on TV?" Odin thought for a moment. "Movies. Hmm. Yes. Clint Eastwood, Sean Connery. Cowboy Troy, the rock yawlternative." His good eye opened wide and he added cryptically, "Hick hop not hip hop?" Odin shuddered. "No. Not like in the movies or on TV. Like in the sagas. Like this: 'Thou shalt promise unto me that which lies below thy girdle and to thee shall I—'" "Girdle?" Cornellia interrupted, seriously offended. "Who are you saying needs a girdle? I have not worn a girdle since—since—since gym class." She sniffed in disdain. "Anyhow, gentlemen do not go around discussing a lady's underwear in public." "No, no," Odin tried to reassure her. "I mean your belt." "Oh yaright. Well gentlemen don't discuss matters below the belt either. It's bad form." "Not against the C of C is it?" Odin turned to Klytus who merely shrugged, disclaiming all responsibility for the unfortunate turn the discussion had taken. "In any event, I am not a gentleman. I am a god. There is a difference." "Tell me about it," Cornellia scowled. "Look, if Freya doesn't want me to have her necklace, I'm cool with that. But, then I need to get headed on my travels." Odin nodded wisely. "It isn't so much a matter of her not wanting you to have it. It's more a matter of she no longer has it herself. Somebody stole it from her and left a cheap replica." The two ravens cried something that sounded suspiciously like "nevermore" and Loki grinned. "You know," Odin leaned toward Cornellia and remarked confidentially, "if he doesn't settle down, he's going to end up chained to a rock somewhere with snake venom dripping into his eyes." Cornellia looked back and forth at the two gods. There was something between them that she could not fathom. Something wyrd and mysterious. Something almost terrifying. "Oh whatever," she shrugged. "Could you remove the governor from my broom, please? And I'll be out of here." "Or course not. We can provide better transport for you than a broom." Odin nodded to Klytus, "Summon the Fleet." Klytus scurried to obey, stuffing cotton balls into his ears as he ran. Shortly the air was split by a violent clap of thunder that shook the rafters and vibrated Cornellia's teeth. A tall strappingly handsome male with a beard as red as Cornellia's hair appeared in the center of the audience hall. "I am Thor!" he announced. "Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet." Cornellia admired his thews of iron. "Nice hammer," she remarked conversationally. I used to have a saw. Well, a chain-saw," she amended, wishing to be meticulously correct. Odin chuckled with the sound of ice bergs crashing into shorelines and smashing trees. "I'm tempted to keep you around. You're more amusing than that Snorri guy and his seven little brothers." Thor frowned. "You have summoned me. For what purpose?" Loki grinned. "He just wanted to peeve you, big guy. There's nothing for you to do here. You might as well go back to your goat." Thor frowned harder. "The day will come when—" "Excuse me, Commander, sir. But the All-Father here said you'd provide transportation for me." "Supreme Commander," he corrected. "Of the Asgard Fleet." Cornellia sighed. "Whatever." Odin laughed with the sound of mighty ice bergs smashing against mountains. "This one wishes to journey south, Supreme Commander. I want you to take her." "Aw, I don't want to!" Thor objected. "You know the sea trolls don't like grrlz aboard ship. They're unlucky." "You can fly the raven banner," Odin offered. "And take some pigs for the sea trolls." "How about a brass band?" Thor countered. "I like a nice brass band." "No brass bands." Odin shook his head. "But when you get back, you can knock Loki here around the track a couple of times." Thor brightened. "It's a bargain." He grinned and saluted Loki. "Looking forward to it, dude." Thor waved his hand toward Cornellia. "Come, small-bite. Yo ho, yo ho! Its southward now we go!" Cornellia winced and muttered, "this is worse than Saturnalia haiku." But she followed. Eager to head south and continue her quest amongst the Celts.