Well,

1. I really think you're on to something with the theory that Germanicus faked his own death. Remember how Tiberius tried to retire to Rhodes and lived in constant cringing blubbering fear due to reports that bounty-hunters were offering: "To fetch back the head of the psychotic exile!" ??? (I'll bet Tiberius wished he'd faked his own death TOO, eh! lol!) Germanicus most likely moved in with Ovid at Tomis, a fashionable Black Sea holiday resort town. There is a marked improvement in Ovid's poetry at this time, and I detect the manus of Germanicus in this, who was himself something of a dab hand with the old wax tablet. It was he who scratched, "Ode to a small drop of Livia's deadly nightshade I found in my Grecian urn." His friends faked his cremation (which as you pointed out was done all very underhand) by burning the corpse of some poor Asian vagabond! It all fits. But, I ask myself: Why would Tiberius and Germanicus (and Ovid, for that matter) be so keen to retire? Relentlessly, I find myself continually drawn back to the one cold inevitable conclusion: To escape Livia's poison!

2. I don't think that the idea that any jury/senate member could act independently in Rome, without the emperor's nod and wink, holds water (except of the poisoned variety). To take a modern day example, suppose George Bush was to retire to Tasmania and leave Peewee Herman to run America. Then, when he hears Peewee's getting too big for his boots, he orders a purge and "executes" (murders) top officials, all from his island retreat, like a big fat hairy spider with nasty dripping poison fangs in a web of evil, and then invades Iraq. Wouldn't you call that psychotic? Now, suppose we substitute Capri for Tasmania, Sejanus for Peewee, Tiberius for George, and Spintriae for Iraq. Surprise! Hullo?

3. The sock was the Russians' secret weapon. Not only is it great for contraception, it's essential to be wearing one if you're fighting in waist-deep snow. Frost-bitten willy defeated the Nazis AND Napoleon (hence his nickname: Boney-part). We're agreed on Lenin, BUT...do you know what Trotsky was wearing when HE lost HIS virginity???

4. A better Yearbook quote: "Her Spelling is atros...atra...atric....Aaron (she likes BH90210!)"

5. I've a good Australian friend, Tasmanian Thiu, who resides in Sydney as a head-hunter, and tells me that Macquarie is one of the penal colonies' trendiest universities, and is good use of an old refurbished prison. Apparently Macquarie was a famous gaol warden? Is it true that the school motto is: "And gladly teche(sic)"?? (If so, you can hardly be held responsible for atrocious spelling, if that's how the techers "teach"!!!)

6. You mentioned earlier that you were going to post PROOF that Livia poisoned everyone? I made a close examination of her house on the Palatine, and I found the walls to be covered in cracks - not what a normal person would live in, but just PERFECT if you wanted places to hide poison!

Your friend,

Strabo.