Marvin's Strange Tale

Author: * Marvin M Manlius - 41 Posts on this thread out of 54 Posts sitewide.
Date: May 30, 2008 - 21:27

You guys ain’t gonna believe this one! There I was, out at Marduk’s Oasis, sittin’ inna shade by da water. You ‘member that ol’ lamp I found? Well, I was tryin’ t’ clean it up so’s I could maybe sell the thing. So, I’m rubbin’ away wit some of that fine sand an’ what happens? POOF! Dis funny guy in blue bloomers comes poppin’ out the spout. Well, I look at him an’ he looks at me, an’ we’re both tryin’ to figger out what the other one was. Guess he ain’t never seen a Runt Pygmy afore. After a few minutes, he pulls himself up to his full height (which was considerable) an’ says, "I… am… a… Djinn! And… who… are… you?" (Yeah! He talked kinda funny, too. All "rumbly" from down in his belly.) So, I explains that I’m a Runt Pygmy an’ where I come from an’ all that. The whole time I’m talkin, he jus’ stands there, tappin’ his pointy-toed shoe an lookin’ like he don’t believe a word I’m sayin’. He yawns and he taps, an I finally run outta words. He looks down his long nose at me an’ says, "What… do… you… want?"

"Whaddaya mean?" I ask, tryin’ t’ figger what kinda scam this dude is tryin’ t’ pull on me.

"It… is… in… my…power… to… grant… you… three… wishes…" he rumbles, adjusting his turban to keep the sun outta his eyes.

OK! So you guys know I’m kinda sensitive about my height, right? Even Runt Pygmys got aspirations of growin’ up some day. Anyways, I’m thinkin how great it would be to be tall like Curly-beard an Fat-boy. So I says to the Djinn, "Make me a six-footer!" He waves this fancy yellow fan an’ I get all queasy in the stomach. The whole world spins around about three times afore I can open my eyes. I look down an’ have a conniption fit! (Yeah… It was that bad!)

Oh… I got my wish all right! Lookin’ at the extra appendages, I figger that Caily ‘ll know for sure that I’m an ant! So, I look up at the guy and he’s lookin’ at me, all smug an’ sassy. "That ain’t what I meant, an’ you know it!" I says, buildin’ up a full head o’ steam.

"Take… care… what… you… wish… for…" he warns.

I’m about to do a number on the guy with my falcata when I realize I got two wishes left. "Okay, Mister Fancy Pants! What I really want is to be like Jihanus or Tiglath or Attila! I want the girls to look up to me. I want them to WANT me. Make me a sex symbol!"

He waves his magic fan and everything goes black for a few minutes. When I come back to reality and look down at myself, I really get steamed. Not at the guy, but at my own stupidity. He warned me that I would get exactly what I wished for.

"OK!" I says in resignation. "Ya got me again! But I still got ONE wish left. An’ I want you to put everything back like it was before I rubbed on that lamp."

His eyes flash with sparks of lightning an’ he shouts, "That’s not fair! You’re supposed to set me free after the three wishes are granted!"

I grin as I notice he has lost his pompous accent. I am back to normal and he is shrieking all sorts of bad words as he gets sucked back into the lamp. I’m gonna be REAL careful what I wish for, the next time I rub that lamp!