Our national drink is beer, and all of us – rich and poor, male and female – drink great quantities of it. Wages are paid in grain, which is used to make two staples of our diet: bread and beer. Beer is made from barley dough, so bread making and beer making are often shown together. Barley dough destined for beer making is partially baked and then crumbled into a large vat, where it is mixed with water and sometimes sweetened with date juice or whatever is at hand. This mixture is left to ferment ... it's not too interesting, is it?

Well, all you need to know about our beer is that strength is calculated according to how many standard measures of the liquid will be made from one hekat (4.54 liters) of barley; thus, beer of strength two is stronger than beer of strength ten.

Bear this in mind when you place your order, please. Don't be too fussy when it comes to taste, we don't comment your watered wines, teas or garum either. And the first one to mention the word slimy will dine with my pet crocodile.

In addition to beer, wine is also widely drunk. Jar labels with notations that the wine is from the Vineyard of King Djet or Cellar of Sementawy Horemheb – burn this note! are an indicator for the quality of the wines we serve here.

Wines are recognized by their vintage, often identified by the name of the village, town, district, or general geographic region where it is produced. At least fourteen different wine-producing areas exist in the Delta alone; Upper Egyptian vintages are not as numerous as those of the Delta, but are said to be of excellent quality (e.g., Theban wines are known for their lightness and wholesomeness). Wines are also produced in the oases.

Along with eating and drinking go dancing and singing. As a rule, men dance with men and women with women. Dancing in more refined establishments is a spectator sport in which professionals perform for the guests. Here, at this place, a different type of entertainment is also provided, since drinking often leads to singing, dancing, and gaming, and men and women are free to interact with each other.

Taverns stay open late into the night, and patrons drink beer in such quantities that intoxication is quite common. Only yesterday I've heard a teacher chasten a student for his night activities:

"I have heard that you abandoned writing and that you whirl around in pleasures, that you go from street to street and it reeks of beer. Beer makes him cease being a man. It causes your soul to wander … Now you stumble and fall upon your belly, being anointed with dirt."
This sweet little hypocrite – he's one of my best customers.

As a special treat for those who prefer to drink their beer alone at their homes, we have persuaded a foreign engineer to devise an unbreakable and leakproof vessel for our special brew.

(With apologies to the Cambridge University Press)