"Hey, look....," Encolpius suddenly said, interested in something lying on a table, "Look, a flower, made of coloured glass...That's nice, eh? Shall I buy this as a present for Julia?

"Hmmmm," frowned Ascyltos, "I don't believe she will like such a thing.."

"Why not?" his friend asked a bit angry. "Why wouldn't she like such a thing? Look at it...look how shiny it is...Doesn't it look like a thousand smiles of Venus? I'm sure she will like it."

He picked up one of the fragile glass flowers and had the merchant wrap it up in a small leather bag for him. Then he grabbed his purse and took out a few sesterces, the price for the small precious thing.

"Is it for a lady?" the merchant asked.

"Yeah, for a very wealthy lady....," ascyltos answered, "Come on, Encolpi, she will laugh at you when you present such a nonsense thing to her!"

Encolpius, however, was adamant.

"You see, my Eros, the trick is, WHEN you give it to her. After the deed a gift like this will seem a gift from heaven!"

Ascyltos laughed aloud.

"If you get to do the deed, that is!"

Encolpius angrily thumped his side: "Youwait and see!"

"How embarassing! I'll go to the manager and complain about it!" one of the other bathers yelled after him.

In the meantime, Ascyltos had gone to the theatre and entered it from behind. He hoped he could find a few befriended actors there. He was lucky; his two best friends were there and they were trying to get some make-up on the face of a young boy. Ascyltos came closer and greeted his friends.

"Arkesilas, Pantagathos, how nice to see you again!"

He had a little chat with his friends about their work as actors and he groomed the hair of the young boy, who was chewing mastic and letting them treat him as they liked.

"You need anything?" Arkesilas asked at last, because that was mostly the case, when Ascyltos paid them a sudden visit.

"Eh...yes, listen," Ascyltos began, "could I borrow a few nice robes from the theatre, two Iuvenes (18) maybe? need them badly; it's only for one night."

Pantagathos' eyes began to shine.

"What do you need it for?"

"Well, you see....Tonight, the new duumvir Julius Asclepiades will throw a big party and Encolpius and I want to go, but we don't have anything to wear."

The young boy freed himself from Arkesilas' hands and dramatically recited a few typical filia (19) lines: "Mecastor-castor!(20) I doooon't have annnnything to weaaar!" And he threw a few sobs in there as well.

The three young men had a good laugh about this, but then Arkesilas said: "Enough, kerkopithakion(21), off you go!"

Elated, the young boy ran off with his face made up and all.

Pantagathos said: "My dear man, what are you telling me? What business have you and that armchair scholar of yours at a political party?"

Ascyltos stroke a theatrical pose and answered with the face of a scholar: "Maybe we could teach those illiterate liberti some culture!"

The two actors almost watered themselves for laughing!

"Ai ai! That's a good one! You, teaching other people some culture? Really, if we are in need of another actor over here, we'll ask you!"

Ascyltos laughed, too. He really loved making his friends laugh.

"Alright, alright! No, it's like this: you both know that our Encolpius has a little problem, don't you?"

The actors started to burst again.

"You really do have your way saying those things, Ascylte....," Pantagathos giggled.

"He can't get his 'come-uppance', that's all I know...," said Arkesilas with a loud laugh, "but what has that party got to do with it?"

"Well, you guys, listen," Acyltos began with the whispering voice of a conspirator, "in the house of Julius Asclepiades lives this awesome girl, his daughter Julia Felix. Encolpius is in love with her..."

"Ai ai, such a problem!" Arkesilas sighed.

"Wanting to make love, but not being able to!" Pantagathos laughed.

"Well...and that's why we want to go to the party, so that Encolpius can get closer to his loved one and may have a good go at her...I'm his friend, I ought to help him, don't you agree?"

"Of course, what else are friends for?" Arkesilas admitted.

"Besides, if it won't work out the way he wants it, you can always have a fine evening over there.." Pantagathos remarked. Ascyltos patted him on the shoulder as if to praise him.

"Ah! You understand what I'm trying to get to! Can I have those pallae now? It won't work without them, more!"

Pantagathos' head disappeared in a big box and he took two beautiful pallae out of it. They were embroidered with purple and goldthread.

"Very chique," he said, "we just bought them for the Higher Palliata (22). I don't lend them that easily, because they are so new and expensive, but now that you asked this....," and he handed them over to Ascyltos, who gazed at them in awe.

"Euoi!(23) We will be the belles of the party!"

"But do be careful with them, right? They were bought for the theatrical performances at the Bacchanalia."

Ascyltos promised: "I will treat them like I treat my own skin. Even better!"

"Well then, good luck, I'd say. May the best one land up in Julia's bed....!" Arkesilas laughed.

"Oh, then I have already won the game!" Ascyltos shouted and left the theatre, dancing for joy and pleasantry.

Immediately he made his way to the thermae, the baths in the centre of Neapolis, hoping to find Encolpius there. After a little while of searching, he found him sitting in the shade of the colonnade surrounding the palaestra.(24) He was completely clean and so were his clothes. His hair was neatly curled and he smelled of basil. He sat there with his eyes shut, until he felt the presence of someone near. Then he opened his eyes. He saw Ascyltos and smiled vaguely.

"How do you feel?" Ascyltos asked.

"Oh...fine...fine," he said and he smiled again.

"Look," Ascyltos said, "I organised these two nice pallae for tonight. Aren't they beautiful? They're brand new! I borrowed them from my friends at the theatre."

Encolpius felt the cloth.

"Yes, they are nice," he said, and then: "You really want to go tonight?"

"Of course!" Ascyltos reacted a bit furious, "And you are going too, right? I'm doing this for you, you know...."

Encolpius said nothing. He turned away his head and stared into another direction, thinking, musing. He still looked quite pale and Ascyltos thought he might still be sick from the binge they' d been into. He softly stroked Encolpius' cheek and said: "Poor boy, are you still sick?"

Encolpius kept looking into the other direction, but suddenly he said very softly:

"I saw Julia. She was here to take a bath. I had a little chat with her."

Ascyltos wanted to say something to that, but he realized that he'd better be silent.

"She said....she said: 'Hello, Encolpi..'....That's what she said to me....and she smiled."

There was a smile on Encolpius' face.

"And then?" Ascyltos asked very carefully.

"Then...later..she came back to me. She...she sat next to me, here...exactly where you are sitting now.....She offered me olives to eat. And then...she asked me....if I wanted to be at the party tonight, so that there would be at least one decent young man present there. And she said...she said, that she really liked me and...and you know?"

"No?"

"She wasn't wearing anything, when she said that..."

"Oh?"

"And you know what else?"

Ascyltos shook his head.

"I...I...got warm and cold at the same time and you know....?"

At this moment, Encolpius was pinching Ascyltos' arm.

"No, dear man, I don't..," Ascyltos said calmly.

"I f-felt it....I felt it! It was warm...and...and thick.."

Ascyltos smiled happily. Would it be real after all then?

Carfully, he put his hand behind Encolpius' ear and whispered: "That's the right thing, my man. Where there is a will, there is a way."

Encolpius looked at him, quietly and happily.

"Julia is the right way. She gives quietness and happiness....I couldn't do it with some street girl or a whore with a titulus (25) above her head...I could only get it on with someone I love. Wait, I'll write her a poem!"

Reborn in me is a pain,

A pain of love in vain...

It was what you did and said,

That went all up to my head...

"Yes," Ascyltos nodded, "That's how it is: love is like pain and you love to be in pain..."

They were both silent for a while. Encolpius looked up from his tablet and suddenly laughed: "Yes, yes, you are right!"

The two young men embraced eachother and kept on laughing. Then Encolpius shouted aloud: "We're going, eh?!"

Ascyltos' face shone. "Of course! Come on, let's get a quick bath and then put on those nice clothes I borrowed. Then we'll wait until it gets cooler."

Encolpius happily agreed to this proposition, because the warmth of his emotions had taken the better of him. They bathed together in the basin and enjoyed the cool atmosphere in the frigidarium(27). They then dried by sitting in the sun for a moment and by walking to and fro in the colonnade, chatting about how they would be going to spend the coming evening. Encolpius read his little poem out loud to other people bathing and he enjoyed their approval.

"Real love..," they commented, "Yes, that's real love.."

Encolpius felt like he was going to peak that evening...

"Let's get dressed," Ascyltos proposed, "in the clothes I borrowed from Arkesilas."

Off they went to the apodyterium and they took the beautiful pallae from Ascyltos' locker.

"Look, how beautifully they fit over our tunics. Oh, Encolpi, you look adorable! Julia just HAS to be fond of you looking like this!"

Ascyltos tightened up his friend's palla a little bit more and straightened his blond hair. Encolpius, too, helped his friend putting on the palla and combing his hair, in a weak attempt to tame Ascyltos' sturdy black curls. After that, they left the thermae, gazed after with a bit of a strange look by some people because of their 'fancy' clothing.

"Such sissies!" hissed the slave, who sat in his little booth taking in entrance fees to the baths.

Ascyltos and Encolpius were on the street.

"Now what? Where would you like to go?" ascyltos asked, "It's still way too early to go to the party.."

"Let's have a drink in that taberna over there. But I want the wine to go with gallons of water this time, you hear?"

Ascyltos laughed about this remark; he had certainly gone a bit too far that day, by getting his friend that drunk. The taberna they went to was almost empty, except for two gladiators, who were having a drink and who gazed at the two young men coming in. And of course the caupo was there, behind his counter.

"Well, young gentlemen, can I help you?" he asked mildly.

"I would like to drink a fine Sicilian wine," Encolpius said, before Ascyltos could order.

"Yes, a wine from Sicily...," Ascyltos repeated. A long time had passed since Encolpius had lastexpressed his thoughts so utterly.

"Mascilla!" the caupo yelled to the back. "Mascilla, get me an amphora of the best Sicilian wine!"

"And a big jar of cool water, too!"

"Coming up, gentlemen, coming up!" the caupo quickly added. A young, beautiful girl with pitchblack hair, the caupo's daughter, dragged a very heavy and large amphora into the taberna.

"Come, I'll help you, " her father said and he put the heavy thing on the rack, next to the other amphorae. She poured in two cups of wine and served these and a jug of water to the two young men. When she passed the two gladiators, they hissed at her:

"Tss, you nice little thing!"

"What are you doing tonight?"

The girl only threw a naughty smile at them and clicked her tongue.

"Here you go, boys," she said, putting their order on the table where Ascyltos and Encolius had seated themselves. Encolpius looked at her eyes. They were as green as emeralds, under pitchblack eyebrows. Such beauty....

"Yes," he suddenly heard himself asking the girl, "what are you doing tonight?"

Ascyltos looked at him with eyes as big as fish plates. Has Encolpius' brain really sunk into his loins?

"Tonight," Mascilla answered, "I will cook in the kitchen of duumvir Asclepiades, because of the party...Are you gonna be there as well? You look ever so fancy!"

"Yeah, we'll be there too...," Ascyltos said. He considered himself a bit passed by this flirtatious move Encolpius just made.

"You boys must be going as histriones(28), I reckon?" she said a bit mocking, with a bit of a laugh.

"Yes!" Ascyltos said, "I'm the parasitus!(29)"

"And I, I am the adulescens(30), who's always in love, who's always suffering from pain in his loins and hips!"

"Muscle aches...from ****ing!" Ascyltos mocked coarsely. The caupo frowned his eyebrows for a moment. What kind of language was that coming from two boys as handsome as them? The two boys had a good laugh and Mascilla, too, enjoyed the plain common fun. The two gladiators had been very amused listening to them and now they had joined them at the table.

"Ei," the first one asked, "Don't we know you guys from the theatre? Aren't you playing those plays by Plautus?"

He thought he'd recognized them because of the pallae they were wearing.

"Me?" Ascyltos reacted, "No way, man..."

"I, a histrio?" Encolpius said, quasi pulling up his nose, "Ha, what do ya think of me?"

"Then who are you?" the other gladiator, a bit younger than the other one, wanted to know.

"Me?" Encolpius began with bright eyes, "I am the Wind, the Heavenly Wind..."

"Yeah, and I am his friend, who ***ses against the Wind..," Ascyltos ended this little mock-poem. Again, the boys laughed hard and again, Mascilla was very amused. The gladiators, too, laughed.

"Hey, Murrane, that's a good joke. Gotta try and remember that one!"

The two gladiators got up, payed the caupo for their drink and went off to their caserma(31).

Mascilla still sat with the boys. She had leaned herself a little bit towards Encolpius and her fingers played a bit with his curly blond hair.

"Nice blond hair you got there...All really yours?"

Encolpius nodded and looked at her from the corners of his eyes, with some vague appetite.

"Will I see you tonight?" she then asked, whispering.

"Oh, I'm sure you will. I'm invited there. We are...students, you know.."

"Oh?" she reacted with flirtatious interest.

"Ahuh...," Ascyltos added, "If you'll manage to get out of that kitchen tonight, you will see us there..."

"You will have a busy time with all the girls. There will be meretrices(32), so I've heard. Beauties, from Pompeii!" Mascilla told them.

"Oh, great!" Ascyltos shouted and Encolpius recited:

"Blessed art Thou, Pompeiana(33)

For Thy Feminine Beauty...

"Oh, you're a poet! How exciting!....Are you gonna write some poetry tonight as well?" Mascilla excitedly asked.

"You bet I will!"

"And you?" She now pointed at Ascyltos.

"I perform the act he writes poetry about: he's in love with women, I **** 'em!"

Mascilla giggled, especially because Encolpius' face got red like a beet.

"But tonight things will be different! You wait and see!" he yelled and he poured some more wine and water into his cup. Then he emptied it with one swallow and added towards Mascilla: "You'll see!"

"Splendid! May the best one win!"

Notes:

He felt a pain in his head, no hammering pain; it was inside his head. He touched his forehead and sighed.

"Got boozed up again last night.." he whispered. He turned around until he lay on his side. He felt as if his brains were spinning inside his head.

"Reh!" he swore.

He noticed that he was alone on the balcony of the room he shared with his fellow student and friend Encolpius. Slowly, groaning, he got up and shuffled inside.

"Encolpi (1)...," he said, weakly. "Hey, where are you?"

The room was empty. On the small table lay some breakfast leftovers. On the little stove in the corner of the room was a pan. Empty. Ascyltos spat in it.

"That sickening bloke!" he hissed angrily.

He put the pan back and ate some of the bread Encolpius had left him. He chewed slowly on it, lying on the bed he shared with Encolpius, slowly and without any taste. What time was it anyway? He had no idea and sighed. This was how it always came about when he came home drunk late at night. The following day, Encolpius was nowhere to be found and he, Ascyltos, would have a splitting headache. No fun at all...

Suddenly, he felt sick and had to vomit. Quickly, he ran to the balkony and spit over the edge. Downstairs, in the insula's court, a woman was sweeping the floor; she could just avoid Ascyltos' vomit. Swearing and cursing, she looked up to him.

"You piece of filth!" she yelled at Ascyltos, who lay sickened over the edge of his balcony, "You come down here and I'm gonna skin you alive!"

The only thing Ascyltos could do was cast a naughty smile at her. While he heard how the woman kept on swearing for a while and then began cleaning up his mess with sharp strokes of her broom, he dragged himself into the the room again. Now, after having cleared his stomach, he could think again. Encolpius, he thought, might be studying in the colonnade around the forum. He might well be, because studying was all Encolpius did, always.

"Always!" Ascyltos repeated this thought aloud. Encolpius was always so serious, it was just terrible. Not Ascyltos. He was a student, for three reasons only: to party, to roam the world, and....to womanize! That last thing was the most important part of his study years.

"Without women no Ascyltos," Encolpius used to say.

"And without Ascyltos no kids!" Ascyltos used to add, rude and saucy as he always was. Ascyltos had to think about this and it made him laugh aloud.

He left the room, locking the door. Then he went down the stairs, onto the street. The neighbourhood they lived in was not a very nice one, but it was a cheap place to live and Ascyltos had enough to be pleased about in this part of Neapolis, with all its brothels. Slowly he walked down the streets and alleys towards the forum, always walking from one shadow into another. It was quite hot already...

Right on he went to the colonnade, for he had to see Encolpius. He wanted to tell him how he felt that he had left his dear friend, Ascyltos, behind, almost choking in his own vomit! Furthermore, he needed some money, as he himself didn't have any left.

On the second floor of the colonnade it was cool and quiet. Nobody felt like studying, but more like sitting on the beach or in one of Neapolis' baths. No one was there, except Encolpius.

The young blond man sat there all by himself, his head bent over a scroll. Ascyltos stood still to look at him, while he was sitting there like that. Sitting like that, his friend looked like a timeless, yet incarnated statue made by a famous Greek sculptor.

Then the dark haired young man went to the other and called his name.

"Encolpi!"

Quietly, Encolpius looked up from his readings. One could not see what he was thinking when he looked at his dark haired friend.

"Where were you this morning, Ascylte? You had to attend a class, had you forgotten about that?" he asked like a father his son.

Ascyltos looked at his friend and thought he had gone mad.

"Attend a class, with my hangover? Surely another one of those great ideas of yours..."

Encolpius made a grim face.

"Why do you always have to drink so much then?"

"So what? That's my business, not yours. Say, can you spare a dime or two? I still got to get some food in my stomach and I also...."

...have to pay a young harlot?" Encolpius added stoically. He had been Ascyltos' friend long enough that this would probably be his story.

Ascyltos started to laugh; when he did this, he really had this naughty grin on his face.

"Impudent people own the world," he always said and most of the time he was right.

"How did you know about the harlot?" he laughed, "C'mon now, give me some. You will get it back real soon.."

With a big sigh Encolpius grasped his purse.

"How much?"

"Fifty staters (2)."

"FIFTY?! It's getting more and more by the day, eh?"

"Aw, don't nag at me! I told you, it's just for a little while?!"

Encolpius looked at his friend with a bad face when he gave him the money. Ascyltos smiled warmly and grasped the fifty staters out of his hand.

"Thanks!" he said quickly and he stroked Encolpius' blond hair.

"See you soon, goldilocks! If you want, you can weed my garden tonight!" he added naughtily. Then he ran off with the money.

"You....dirty pig!" Encolpius hissed angrily after him. That boy really didn't know any manners!

Ascyltos flew off to the brothel and payed the madam the sum he owed her. He almost got knocked on his head, because he had dared to run out of a brothel without paying.

"In this place it's first pay and then run, me laddy!" the fat madam bit him in the face and she almost planted her sharp nails in there as well. But Ascyltos laughed her in the face and made a shabby gesture at her. Right after that, he ran away so quickly, that she could never catch up with him.

That was Ascyltos to the core. He always looked for wild adventures and he always got away clean before falling. And he had sympathy as well. The little harlot, whom he had spent the night with, smiled at him, because he had made a fool of her madam, and she waved kisses at him.

"Farewell, my Ascyltidion (3), an please, come again soon!"

"You bet, my sweet anthidion (4), that I will!"

That's what life was like for Ascyltos: to be free and fly like a bee from one flower to another. True life lay on the streets and within love lay the wisdom of life. He couldn't care less for those stuffy books Encolpius was reading all the time!

As fast as he could, he went to a taberna to get something to eat. Hungry he was! He was served almost immediately, because everybody knew him: he used to frequent all the Neapolis wine joints. He enjoyed his meal and also the caresses of the maid Lalage, the innkeeper's daughter. Of course, he had a young woman by his side! Just when he decided that the soft flesh of Lalage's upper legs would be an interesting focus point of study, Encolpius appeared before him.

"Hey, man, what are you doing in a joint like this? I thought you would never go for anything less than a private dinner at some rich fellow's home?" Ascyltos remarked mockingly.

"I have to talk to you, alone!" Encolpius retorted in quite a strict manner, "What you did yesterday night is beneath everything!"

The more Encolpius talked, the more angry he got and the louder he talked. Ascyltos had him sit down and be quiet. Lalage was sent off with a gentle slap on her backside. Ascyltos swallowed his food and poured in some wine for his friend.

"Now, calm down. What has happened, eh?"

Encolpius turned red like a beet of sheer anger. He couldn't believe that Ascyltos was taking things this lightly!

"You have made a shame of me throughout the whole insula! You have yelled and shouted filthy and perverse things. You have spat and watered against other people's front doors! And who's the one who has to put up with all the complaints? Who? Me! You do this to me and then you dare to ask me money as well!!"

Encolpius was outraged and shouted harder and harder. Ascyltos had to calm him down once more.

"Hey now, calm down, man! You talk to me about misbehaviour, but who is hanging it all out now?"

Encolpius calmed down a little.

"Alright, but you should know how much you make a disgrace of me with your drinking and womanizing...I can't take it no more!"

His sad head sank onto his folded arms and thus he awaited Ascyltos' reaction. But the dark haired young man began to smile his good old naughty smile again.

"Because you can't get any women of your own, you won't indulge me any, eh? Just beacuse you can't crank it up, eh?"

Quite pleased about this last remark he licked the grease of a chicken leg he was eating from his fingers. Encolpius jumped up in rage at him again.

"Do you HAVE to make these remarks all the time?!"

"Well, it's true, ain't it?" said Ascyltos calmly. To him, it was always the same old subject, over which he had fought Encolpius so many times already. He took one more big swallow of wine and added: "If you don't like my behaviour, why don't you just take your leave then?"

Encolpius, a bit shocked by the sudden calm firmness of Ascyltos' looks and words, shook his head.

"I can't pay a room's rent by myself. Besides, you got to help me find back my manhood..."

Ascyltos spluttered and spots of wine flew about.

"I gotta help you to....what?? Find something back you never had before??" he yelled out.

"Shhhhhh!!" the blond young man hissed irritated to shut him up.

"Why do you always want the whole world to know? Besides, you know perfectly well, that I once mastered the art of love! But since the adventure with the dying hermaphrodite, I have failed to get it up. I brought tons of offerings to Venus, but nothing helps..."

"Now wait a minute...!" Ascyltos started, holding up his hand to shoo off his friend and make him listen.

"What have you failed to get up, pray?"

"Well," Encolpius said uneasily, "well, you know...."

Ascyltos sat next to him and laid his arm around his shoulder.

"You know what the whole problem is?" he started lecturing him, "It isn't about the hermaphrodite. A stupid hermaphrodite will die anyway, if you take it out of its safe enclosure and expose it to sun and dry air. No, it's not that. You are ashamed to name the act by its name, aren't you? You are ashamed about 'it', right? You even can't pronounce the name of it and you know why? Well, that's what you know, not me. But you should do it for a change. You should just look at me and say, at point blank: 'Ascylte, there was a time that I could **** girls, but then I got laid by a nymphomaniac and I got so nauseous because of that, that I suddenly couldn't do it anymore.' That's what you should dare to say aloud for a change. That would suit you. And you would see the truth as well. It wasn't because of the hermaphrodite, but because of the nymphomaniac.(5) If it had been because of the hermaphrodite, I wouldn't have been able to **** anymore, because I was there with you and for sure, I was your accomplice in that matter.

Encolpius nodded and said nothing.

"Do you understand me?" Ascyltos went on lecturing him, like a professor in the higher forms of erotica.

"You should dare to say: 'I once could **** women and now I can't **** them anymore.'"

Encolpius sighed. "What's the bloody point of this?"

"You should say it! Then you're half way there of getting your manhood back!" Ascyltos cried out, as if he wanted to convert Encolpius to another creed.

"Just forget about all your decency and just SAY it!"

"Eh...well...I h-have to get to.....**** again....," Encolpius said slowly and very faintly, lowering his voice the nearer he got to 'the' word itself. Ascyltos looked intensely at him.

"Yes...YES! Now we're getting somewhere..! Well? Don't you feel better already?"

"Eh...maybe..."

"But it's a start! You can feel that, right?"

"Ehh..well, eh..."

"And if you're getting it up and on already, then Lalage over there would surely want to...." Ascyltos added a bit prematurely and he made a sign to te girl to come over from the counter. But it was too soon. As soon as Encolpius saw the chunky girl coming their way, he sprang up again.

"Aw, leave me alone! That's no way to help me! You're only doing this to make a fool out of me and have a good laugh about it yourself! Well, you're not going to fool me!"

And he stepped out of the taberna.

"Encolpi, wait!" Ascyltos yelled and he threw a coin on the table to pay for food and drink. "Another time, honey," he quickly added to the affectionate Lalage, while he pushed her away gently. Then he ran after his friend.

"Encolpi, wait! really wanted to help you! C'mon, you can find back what you have lost..."

Encolpius stood still and looked at his friend.

"You think so?" he asked with a serious tone in his voice.

Ascyltos looked back at him with the same serious look and nodded: "Of course you will!"

Encolpius smiled relieved.

"Thanks. This means more to me than all your teasing.."

"But...I didn't want to tease you! I meant what said! And regarding those offerings to Venus, you told me about, man, it's about time you made a REAL offering to her..."

"But...how??" Encolpius asked with big eyes.

"You really should have a big time shag..," Ascyltos revealed, lokking at the sky, as if he saw himself there, having a good bed time with the goddess of love herself.

"Huh, as if that could be the easiest thing in the world! And whom should I pick for that, eh?"

"That's not important," said Ascyltos with a tone of carelessness, "it never is."

Encolpius clicked his tongue.

This is the big difference between you and me. To you, it's not important whom you make love with, to me, it is!"

Ascyltos sighed: "Alright, man, what do you want then?"

"I want to fall in love again, like I used to. It seems as if there are no women anymore, with whom I could fall in love, women with some character."

Ascyltos leaned against the base of a memorial column. He seemed to be thinking. Encolpius stood next to him and looked at his friend.

"Hey...are you thinking?"

Ascyltos nodded.

"Hmmm, that's not happening too often, eh?"

"Reh, don't nag at me!"

"Alright, what are you thinking about?"

"So...eh..you want a woman with some character?"

Encolpius nodded. "But I guess, you won't know any. You can't find that many women with character among the kind we spend our days with."

Suddenly, Ascyltos snapped his fingers.

"Hey, I've got it! Why don't you try to become a client of one of them big nobs in town? A man like that will surely have a daughther with character!"

Encolpius wasn't that sure about the idea. "Hmmm....well, I don't know..."

"Of course you do! It's a swell idea, isn't it?! Well, do you have anyone particular in mind?"

Encolpius turned his back and he wanted to walk on, but Ascyltos pulled him back.

"Well??"

"Well...eh...yes, but she is out of my reach."

"Nonsense! No girl can be out of reach. That's only what you think. That's what you thought of Tryphaena as well."(6)

"Oh, shut up about that!" Encolpius would rather not be remembered of that episode in their mutual adventures.

"Why? You got your Tryphaena, didn't you?"

"Yes, but first of all, I had to get married to her husband, Lychas! Please, don't remind me of that story, will you?"

Encolpius turned red as a beet to the thought over ever having to do a thing like that again in his life. Ascyltos simply ignored Encolpius' request to stop it and went on laughing as he was.

"Oh yeah, Lychas! Hahah!" He still had a good laugh at thinking of his friend marrying the old libertus (7), very much against Encolpius' will.

"That filthy old libertus demanded of you that you be his bride before getting between the sheets with his old harlot! Hymen, O Hymenaee!(8), never did I have such a good laugh as then!"

Encolpius stared angrily at him.

"Don't laugh like that! Stop it!! I wish it would have happened to you!"

He punched Ascyltos hard in his stomach, who suddenly stopped laughing.

"Hey, hey, are we gonna get physical? Watch it, boy, you hear?"

"Why does a guy always have to go after the women? That's what I get from dealing with you and your kind!"

Ascyltos recovered from the punch in his stomach and sniffed as if he smelled something dirty, just like Encolpius tended to do when he was surrounded by too many proletarians.

"Ah..well, you really don't have to deal with me and my kind, you know. By the way, you don't have to get a girl for my sake, you know! But who wanted one, eh? Who wanted to get his manhood back, eh??"

Encolpius sank onto the pavement and started sobbing: "Oh, it's all too difficult...Why is life this difficult?"

Ascyltos sat beside him.

Aw, don't be such a sissy! You really don't seem to know what it is you want....in spite of all that bookshaped wisdom of yours!"

Encolpius now started crying.

"Why don't you help me then??"

Ascyltos sighed. That was Encolpius now: a young man, barely raised to be a man. He had been raised by a thoroughbred of a Roman father, who wouldn't allow any of the words "love" and "getting it on with a girl" in his house and a caring Roman wetnurse, who told him stories about ansera mater (9) and the like. What could come from such a guy? All of a sudden, he felt misery for young Encolpius. Again, he put his arm around Encolpius's shoulder and softly kissed his cheek.

"Oh, come on, I didn't mean it that way. I promise to help you, but then you will have to tell me her name."

"Whose name?" Encolpius' face looked more bright.

"Well, the name of the so called lady out of your reach!"

"Julia Felix. But you don't know her, I think."

Ascyltos whistled out of surprise.

"Don't I know her?? Well, all I can say, is that you do have taste, my friend!"

Encolpius looked into the dark and whitty Southern-Italic face of his friend.

"You know this girl? How can that be?"

"My god, who wouldn't know that big robust, chunky piece of woman called Julia Felix?!"

"She's not 'chunky'! She's very special!" Encolpius retorted somewhat embarassed.

Ascyltos pulled his shoulders.

"It's possible that she's aspecial girl. I wouldn't know. But I like her ****!"

He licked his lips by the very thought of some of Julia's body parts.

"Is that all you can think of, her looks?"

"It's the only thing I really see when I look at her. You can call that an anomaly, if you want. You are more after a woman's character and I am more after a woman's ****. It's always the same story."

Encolpius smiled and fashioned Ascyltos' big black curls.

"Yes, you're right about that."

"What do you want to do with her? **** her?"

"Yes, I do. And I want to marry her."

"Eh, marry her!" Ascyltos pulled away with a look on his face as if he smelled something dirty. "Don't marry her, never get married, file mou (10); never do that, I tell you, it's worse of dying!"

"Worse THAN dying," Encolpius corrected his speech. Ascyltos didn't even listen.

"If you marry her, you won't see me again, you hear? Then I'm out of here!"

"Alright!" said Encolpius with a laugh, "I won't marry her. But I want her, Ascylte. I want to make love to her until the end of time."

"Oh, my poetical lover boy!" Ascyltos retorted in an overacted manner. Then he asked:

"Would you still want her, even when she gets old and wrinkled?"

Encolpius nodded with the face of a man in love.

"Oh yes."

"Even when she shrivels into an old carcass?"

"Yes, I will."

"Or when her hair turns grey and her teeth start to fall out?"

"Yes, then too."

"And when her breasts get flat and she can't have anymore children?"

"Even then, Ascylte."

Ascyltos shook his head.

"You're out of your mind. You're in some kind of serious trouble, that is quite clear to me."

"Yes, I am in trouble, because I am in love," Encolpius answered.

"Why don't you try to get in between her thighs then?"

Shaken, Encolpius looked his friend in the eye.

"Oh no! I couldn't do that!"

"But you are in LOVE with her?! Well, then she can't be that much out of reach? Love wins, always!"

"But...."

"You just have to show her, that you are the man of her lifetime. Why don't you trust yourself a little bit more? Don't make such a fuss, just get under the sheets with that girl!"

"And what if I won't get it up then? You know the illness I'm suffering from?"

"Ey, if you really want something from her, that won't be such a big problem. When the big moment comes, you just have a good look and feel at her and it will come up just by itself!"

Encolpius sighed.

"When you say that, it all sounds so easy. But it isn't that easy for me, you know."

"Yes, I know," Ascyltos said, "but you will have to try to be a bit more loose, less decent and more like the kind of fellow a young girl would like to be around with."

"A fellow like you?"

"For example.."

"I can't be like you, just like that..."

"I know. Maybe you could if you had a good pint of drink first. Come on!"

Ascyltos dragged Encolpius back to the taberna.

"What? You want ME to...?" the young man protested.

"Shut up and do as I tell you!"

"But..."

"Well, you want to lay that girl? Alright then, but first you will do as I tell you!"

Encolpius let himself be dragged away and the next moment he was sitting with Ascyltos at a table, on which stood two pitchers of Picenum wine and two cups. These two cups were filled to the edge by Ascyltos and kindly smiling the Tarentine young man gave one of the filled cups to his friend. When it came to drinking, Ascyltos was always in his element!

"The first toast is to Venus!" he said and put the cup to his lips. Encolpius started drinking bravely and he intended to empty his cup ad fundum (11), like Ascyltos. He wasn't that much of a drinker, but he didn't want to give in. It wasn't easy, he just made it. Ascyltos was already waiting for him.

"Ready? At last!"

He filled the cups again. Encolpius felt getting heavy from the heady wine and the hot weather, but he held up his cup, because he didn't want to show his weakness. He wanted to show his friend that he could be a man too.

"The second toast is to you!" Ascyltos said.

"And to you!" Encolpius added. He smiled, but he foresaw a hard evening, an evening of sickness, vomiting and the like. Yuck!

Ascyltos only expected to have a lot of fun. Again, he emptied his cup in one swallow, bravely followed by Encolpius.

"Ah, that's good!" Ascyltos cried out. Encolpius, who had just been swallowing his last bit of drink, almost choked in his swallow and started coughing. Ascyltos knocked his back with his hands and laughed: "Here's to you, commilito!(12)"

"Hmbl.."

"Hey, Encolpi....That girl Julia...Tell me....Have you ever talked to her?"

Encolpius, now rather possessed by Bacchus, let his head rest on his arms and leaned on the table like that.

"Oh no...no...just imagine that!" he mumbled.

"Eh? But then she doesn't know at all that you want her?"

"No-o-o."

Ascyltos whistled between his teeth.

"Then you should be armed twice as heavily."

"T-twice?"

"To the teeth!" Ascyltos retorted fiercely. He could see it now: his friend Encolpius, giddy from wine and want for love, armed to the teeth, like a real warrior of love....

"Come on, let's have another one," he suddenly said and he grabbed the wine jar. All dazed by the wine, Encolpius held by his cup.

"Y-you will h-help me, eh?" he stammered, all giddy.

"File mou, I will help you as well as I can," Ascyltos nodded. They held up their cups for a third toast.

"To Julia this time; may she love you a whole lot!"

"L-luv' me a l-lot!" Encolpius repeated with his thick tongue and he started drinking eagerly. Ascyltos wondered a bit about that. He had never seen his blond and civilised friend drinking so eagerly in all his life. And now he looked as if he did nothing else every day!

"Well? Haven't you finished it yet?" Encolpius asked, when he emptied his and Ascyltos was gazing at him. The Tarentine quickly finished his drink, but Encolpius added naughtily to his first words: "You must drink a bit faster than that, you know.."

Ascyltos laughed aloud about these words. What a little bit of wine could do to such a boy like this!

"Oh, Dionysos, your power is great!" he yelled and embraced Encolpius.

"G-g-reat!" yelled Encolpius, too, entangled in his friend's firm embrace. Then he produced a burp, a very loud one.

"Whooops! Sorry!" He was shocked because of it as well.

"Ah! Drink, but stay polite, eh?" Ascyltos joked at him.

"Encolpi...listen!" he said in a conspirational manner.

"Hmmmmh?"

"Are you listening?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

"I have heard by chance that there will be a big party at Julia's home. Her father won the elections and will be the new duumvir(13)."

"So?"

"'So??' You idiot, that will be YOUR opportunity to get near to Julia and to show her how you feel about her?!"

"Ah...Yes....That's right..."

"Alright, then let's have a go at it! Everybody will be invited and present; neither cost nor effort has been saved; it is bound to be the party of the season, so I've heard."

"Oh? Yeah?" Encolpius sillily remarked.

"Hey, you're getting more dull as we speak!" Ascyltos said with some concern.

"Mmmmmh?"

"You shouldn't be like that, but active and keen to the job!"

"Aw...give me a break...."

Encolpius was just about to take a little nap, when he felt a hard punch into his side.

"Aaaah! Leave me be, reh!" he cried out.

"No, I won't leave you be! You are a first class twit, that's what you are! Instead of gathering all the strength you can get to go after the girl, you just lay down your head here to take a nap! You twit! You nut!"

And like it is always the case with people who had a little bit too much to drink, Ascyltos' yelling and name calling didn't miss their effect on Encolpius' emotionality of the moment. Drunk and fiercely he looked at Ascyltos. The Tarentine sighed. This had not been the right way either. But Ascyltos had to get his friend to the party in a vertical position. Would Encolpius not be fit to flirt with the much craved Julia Felix, then he, Ascyltos, would at least have a swell evening: his fourth already, this week!

He decided to get in some action. He dragged the half sleeping young man out of the taberna and towards a fountain, where he held his head under a jet of water. Encolpius struggled fiercely to get away; he didn't like this exercise at all.

"Let go! Let go of me! Ah, don't do this! It makes me....oh! Don't!"

"Down under, more(14)! You didn't have to get THAT drunk!" Ascyltos laughed.

"But...but, it m-makes m-me....," Encolpius struggled, but there he was under the water again!

"What does it make you?" Ascyltos laughed.

Encolpius managed to get away from the jet of water and hissed: "It m-makes me p-puke...p-puke...aaaaahhhhh!" and right on top of these words, he puked poor Ascyltos directly in the face!

"Aaaai!" he yelled, shocked and full of nausea. He let go of his friend, who hang over the edge of the fountain, sick and vomiting. He looked sick and he felt pretty much the same way. His stomach felt like being turned inside out. At last, he couldn't spit no more and Ascyltos had managed to wash the vomit from his face. Completely worn down, Encolpius collapsed next to the fountain.

"Oh, I'm so sick...! Why have you done this to me?"

Ascyltos sillily shook his head.

"I thought the wine would give you some courage. How could I know, that you couldn't handle it?"

"What do I do now? I want to go to the party, but not like this. I never felt this sick in my whole life!" the blond young man sighed.

"Except that time when you lost your Priapus(15), maybe...?" Ascyltos joked. He couldn't resist the joke, although his friend was so sick.

"Not even THEN!" Encolpius answered angrily.

"You know what?" said Ascyltos, because he wanted to go, whatever would happen, "We'll just go anyway. I am sure that Julia Felix will pity you, because you're not feeling well and such...And then I'll bet she will start nursing you to health!"

"Huh! You think so?"

Oh, yes! I can see it now: how you are lying there in her bedroom, in her bed, and how she is bent over you, giving you water to drink and all that..."

"Eh...?"

"Well, then, there is your chance to get a good load of her?! And to have a go at her?!"

"Oh, but I couldn't do that! I can't just manoeuvre myself into her bed, just like that?!" Encolpius whined. Ascyltos sighed, having about enough of the whole situation.

"There we are, just right back to where we started this afternoon! Of COURSE you can do that, the thing is: you don't have the GUTS to do it! Well, you figure it out for yourself. I tell you this: I'll help you to get that far and if you mess up, I'll sleep with her myself!"

"You, more? How dare you!" Encolpius jumped up.

"You wait and see!" the dark haired young man said with quite some determination in his voice. He pulled Encolpius up and pushed him forward.

"Come on, you! Go to the baths! That will soothe you. In the meantime, I will see if I can find us something decent to wear over our tunics. We are going to visit a very wealthy family, mind you!"

Notes:

It was written by Fortunata Curius, freely after Petronius, Fellini and whoever.

Copyright: Editorials.