Over the last fifty years or so we've all been trained to call 911 when we see a crime in progress in the U.S. If you see a burglary in progress, call 911. Arson? Call 911. Robbery? Call 911. Why—WHY—does anybody think its reasonable NOT to call the police when you see a child being raped? If you know or have REASON to know of a child victim of sexual abuse, there are anonymous HOTLINES to call in the US.

So... why does anybody think that the first person they ought to contact is the bishop... the department store head... HR... or the school principal?????

Pennsylvania law and federal law both mandate that people in the position of that coach at Penn State AND Joe Paterno were required to inform the police. Not the ATHLETIC DIRECTOR.

As for the trustees of the university firing Joe Paterno—bullshit on that. They've been wanting rid of him for several seasons because he's past it and everybody knows it. They've been afraid of the backlash from sentimental alums. The trustees used this horrible crime as an excuse to get rid of him. "Yay we can throw him to the wolves and get in somebody younger AND pretend we care about the children who have been victimized!" Win/win. Isn't that what business school and MBA's are all about?

He probably should be fired—eventually—but not because he's old and is no longer a great coach, which is really why they booted him. He should have been suspended w/o pay while the crime was investigated and then, if he was complicit, discharged under the terms of his contract. Or... if the trustees want rid of him because he's an ineffective coach at this point, then fire him for that and admit that's what's going on.

If, gentle reader, I have offended you with any of the above—I don't care. And if, in future, you know or have reason to know of a child victim of rape (or any victim of rape) CALL THE POLICE.

Do not call the campus police or building security—call REAL cops. If it's on school property—train your kids to call the COPS. In church? Call the cops. At work? Call the damned police – do not file a grievance with your union or report it to Human Resources. CALL THE FREAKING COPS!

A. Doctors protect one another and try to help one another. Doctors will even cover up for one another. Doctors are good.

Lawyers, on the other hand, consider one another to be fair game. All lawyers accused of ANYTHING wrong, from shoplifting a candy bar to embezzling millions, will receive the same response from other lawyers. WE LINE UP AT THE COURTHOUSE DOOR to accuse them and testify against them. And then we try to collect any finder's fees for turning in the miscreant.

Lest you disbelieve this about lawyers, before I was even five years out of law school, I had personally testified against two lawyers in unrelated cases. And had turned in a third (who was so popular with accusers that the Disciplinary Board didn't need my testimony!). Sadly, there were no finder's fees. Just the Joy of Virtue from ridding the world of some less-than-acceptable lawyers.

I was upheld for awhile by the novelty of being Virtuous. But the novelty soon wore off. Now I just wish I had 10% of the embezzled funds!

People hate lawyers. I hate lawyers too (even though I am one and sleep with one on a regular basis).* Why do people hate lawyers?

There are a number of reasons that I can think of offhand (and probably a zillion others that haven't occurred to me yet).

(1) On the whole, lawyers are pushy bastards. It's not their fault really, it's what they get paid to be. But its also what they are by temperament. If you don't have a spinal reflex to be pushy and disputatious on behalf of a client, a point of view or a legal position—don't go to law school. You'll be REALLY unhappy with your life. (Unless you want to go into tax law, and then we're talking about an entirely different range of personality defects. Or bankruptcy. Those dudes are scary.**)

(2) Lawyers are pedantic about their pissy-assed terminology. I've personally sat through more than one debate over whether a comma after (as opposed to before) the "and" changed the meaning of the document. I've also dealt with the question of whether "or" really means "in the alternative" or whether it means "maybe" or whether it means "and." Lawyers routinely quarrel over whether a "disjunctive" means the same thing as a "conjunctive." However, "and" does not mean "or" except in Massachusetts where the rule appears to be that "and" does, in fact, mean "or."

(3) Lawyers are arrogant. This is the reason I avoid bar association functions. You haven't lived until you've sat at dinner listening to two ostensibly adult people play one upsmanship games that get down to the nitty gritty of who has more change in his pocket and whose sportscar will go faster above the legal speed limit. (I don't fault lawyers for claiming that their offspring are brilliant and that their kid plays soccer/basketball/field hockey/football/ice hockey/the trombone/computer games and/or Jeopardy better than any other child who has ever lived on planet Earth. That goes with being a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle… whatever.)

In fairness, lawyers do have to have a very hefty helping of self-esteem. On an almost daily basis they go into court and get told by judges, court clerks, and miscellaneous people hanging around the court house that they are wrong and deserve to be shot/hung/hauled up on charges/disbarred/found in contempt/tarred and feathered and/or clocked upside the head with a gavel (or stapler). And that's just the court people. The other lawyers get REALLY nasty.

(4) Lawyers say they will do things and never do them. This one isn't universally true, although it might be true from time to time. The problem is that most people encounter a lawyer in one of two very stressful and involuntary situations: as a participant in a divorce action or as a criminal defendant.

A divorce participant expects his or her lawyer to take the other party to the cleaners, deprive them of their entire life savings as well as any opportunity to acquire more life savings, block any and all opportunities to visit with the children, and punish them on the general theory that they deserve it. (A divorce is an incredibly stressful situation, even if it is what is laughingly referred to as an "amicable" divorce. It's not a joking matter, and I'm sure I'd be the same in such a situation. My mother certainly was. Learn from the best, I always say!)

A criminal defendant, on the other hand, is invariably innocent and should never have been arrested. Criminal defendants believe that the ONLY possible reason for a conviction is that counsel was ineffective. The typical assertion goes like this: "I wasn't there and didn't do it. If I was there, I was only an innocent bystander. I didn’t' do anything! If I was there and did something, it was an accident. But if it wasn't an accident, it definitely was self-defense. But really, I wasn't there. I have an alibi. Only I don't remember her last name or where she lives. I think her first name was Brandi. Or Sharee. Maybe it was Taquila?" (I know you think I'm exaggerating, but I actually see this sort of thing all the time. Well, okay, only some of the time. Oh, maybe not the Brandi/Sharee/Taquila thing, but I did see that twice and it wasn't even the same defendant. Brandi/Sharee/Taquila must get around.)

(5) Lawyers want to get rich. I really have no response to that claim. What is there to say? Lawyers are SO unlike professional football players and other sports figures who perform their valorous deeds for free.

(6) Lawyers treat everything like it’s a game. No they don't. They treat everything as a WAR. A war they intend to WIN. Both sides in any courtroom battle (note the word "battle") are there to WIN. Compare lawyers to the much admired sports figures, who just go to the field to "play"—pansies that they are!

You know why they got rid of trial by wager of battle? The lawyers were scarier and more ferocious than the paid champions. Lawyers don't only like to WIN… they think WINNING is all there is. But it's not a game. It's a war. Even the terminology say so. Courtroom tactics… law office logistics… trial strategy.

(7) Lawyers set things up so you have to hire a lawyer to understand the law. *doh* Like you think car manufacturers don't manufacture cars so you have to hire a professional to repair the vehicle? That's the real reason they use all those computer chips nowadays.

(8) Lawyers are easily bored. I'm bored writing this. And I'm going to stop now.
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* We are married so we are supposed to sleep together.

** The lawyer with whom I sleep does bankruptcy, so I'm entitled to say that from first hand experience.