I find it interesting that a year after saying goodbye to my husband on that big boat - having him gone for more than half a year - getting him back home - a year later, here we are in the same "boat", so to speak.

He just left for another cruise - another tour. It's the workup session first, so it's only a month, but I feel that sense of foreboding setting in again. Unlike most of my peers here, I'd rather have him home. I kinda like him.

Admiral Stockdale died a few days ago. That's not a good thing, however, beause they're holding the funeral on the USS Reagan, they have to go out to sea for a few days, pull back into port, vacate the ship for visiting dignitaries and then get back on the ship and go back out to sea. A pain in the rear end. Nice thing is if I can scrounge up the money to go down, we'll meet him in LA and go to the LACMA's Tut exhibit a month earlier than planned.

The dog barks like jackhammers on my mind
Jarring me from sleep,
It feels like a jar crushed up over my head
Teeth warm and fuzzy
As it some fairy had knitted socks over them in the night
Damn fairies

Memories of the night flood my brain
Feeling rather like the dogs bark
Sharp, jarring and painful
But the pleasantness of the cool summer breeze
Over my naked skin
Where are my clothes?

The moonlit night
Was it last night?
Jack Daniels and Fat Momma, had a long talk
Of life and love and the taste of a warm burn
Of a finely aged whiskey
That and clothing was completely unnecessary

I think she agreed with him
I’m not sure
But the cool summer breeze certainly felt good
Against the naked sagging
Middle aged skin

I’m certain HER skin doesn’t sag
That perfectly toned body of a 20-something
The flowing blonde hair
Bleached, of course
But then, there isn’t anything inside that head
So she had to have SOMETHING that is her crowning glory

She hasn’t had four kids
Just watch, she’ll sag and stretch
But she’ll still have that bubble on top of her shoulders
And he’ll watch his youth be taken from her body
As gravity takes it toll
C’est la vie
Damn fairies

So here we are. Only 3 days into 6 months and today has not been so great. Em cries for her Daddy - the boys go out of their way to ignore me. I explode. And rather easily too, I'll admit.

We took Tim down to San Diego on Saturday so he could board ship for the 4-6 month cruise somewhere in the Pacific.

The boys thought the tour of the ship was cool. A floating city on the Pacific - all painted gray. How quaint and homey. Even the insides were painted gray. I don't know how much more dreary you could make it without going stark raving mad.

I still don't think it's sunk in with the children. 6 months is a long time. Perhaps I'm dwelling on the time frame too much. Funny, women have been commiting their men to the sea for centuries - why should I be any different? Some of their men never returned and they survived. I suppose I will too...

Painful - how many times can your heart be torn from your chest? The pain is still raw, but then it's only been 3 days.