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July 7 , 2009
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Genetics
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Posted at 04:00 EST
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You know, every now and then, I reflect on this.
Of late, given that I now have two new grandchildren, it has come more to the fore.
The first time I really considered this was when my kids were born, thirty and twenty-nine years ago (16 months apart). They both had the same distinctive cleft chin that I got from my mother.
A bit over nine years ago, my eldest granddaughter came into the world with just that same chin.
Two days and one months ago, she was joined by her twin siblings, a boy and a girl. The former, Jack, has this feature, very distinctly. His twin sister, Freyja, a bit less so, but it is still there. That has got to be one hell of a dominant gene.
Genes tend to sneak up on us, surprising us when we least expect it. Some years ago, it ambushed me. I was at a family gathering in Rockford, IL at my cousin Alice May's home. As it came about, her brother, Tom, was also there. Now, there are times when I have seen him and some of our uncles in just that certain pose/turn of the head/play of the light that makes me do a double take, seeing one whole hell of a lot of my late father in them. It is not a bad thing, but strangely comforting, along with the pangs of remembrance.
However, that was not the case at that time. No, it was not Tom's remark over how eerily my receding hairline was so much like our grandfather's. It was when I stood beside him and noticed he had the exact same nicely circular patch of white hair, just behind his right ear, as I. That is when I really felt bonded to cousin Tom, having been separated from growing up with him when my immediate family moved far away in 1959.
Genes. They do that to you, and when you least expect it. |
March 21 , 2009
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On the death of one's child
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Posted at 00:00 EST
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No, not one of mine. Sorry if the title freaked out anyone.
However, I spent the last week caught up in that of another.
As most of you know, I have a weekend job, as front desk security/receptionist at an upscale retirement community.
Last Saturday, I came to work and learned that the week day receptionist's eldest daughter, a woman in her mid-thirties and mother of two, had just dropped dead earlier that morning. Needless to say, it threw her mother, siblings and the community's management into pretty much the deepest pit of grief possible.
As it turned out, this week I was off on spring break from my teaching job. I didn't have to even be asked if I could fill in for this week. I mean, it's a given--you step up and help out. My boss there has been falling all over herself in gratitude that I gave up most of this week to come in. It's mildly embarrassing. How could I, as a father and a grandfather, not?
However, I have been haunted all this week by the randomness of the death. If it had been my son or daughter, my nine year old granddaughter or the twins my daughter is carrying, now almost into the third trimester, I would have been an absolute basket case.
Honestly, for a parent to lose a child to death has got to be just about the worst experience in the world. I pray I never have to go through that.
Parents and grandparents, say a prayer tonight that you never have to go through this. I know I have, every night this week.
Kids, be you teens, Gen Xers, middle aged persons like me, whatever, if you still have a living parent, just stop and think about this for a moment. One never knows when awful fate will step in. If you and your parents are distant or not speaking or if you haven't told them you love them recently, do it now. You never know when it might be too late. |
December 21 , 2004
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The Secret Life of the Kindergartener
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Posted at 00:00 EST
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My five year old granddaughter has become a social butterfly.
Last Saturday, she had two birthday parties to attend.
That's two birthday parties.
In one day.
Daaayaam!
What is more, the first one was at our local science museum. I checked their website. It costs $120 to schedule a birthday party there. This included getting to check out the animatronic dinosaur exhibit and even get to work the controls for a T Rex and then a really cool laser light show in the planetarium.
Frankly, I'm jealous.
There wasn't even kindergarten back in 1954 in rural Illinois when I was her age, much less anyone throwing such cool birthday parties for 5 year olds.
However, it's OK. I get to experience it through her excited telling of how much fun it was. That's part of the joy of being a modern grandfather, even though I have to witness that Zara is, more and more, becoming her own person, not just grandpa's little girl. Someone who is learning to be and talk one way at school with her peers and another with me or her mother or grandmother.
Case in point: a month ago, I picked her up after kindergarten. As we waited, stopped in traffic, she is telling me of her day. I am only half listening, keeping an eye out for traffic and such when I hear her tell me about some boy she knows, "...and he just had the crap scared out of him."
What?
I turn to the back seat, give her my very stern teacher look and say "What did you say?!?"
She blinks and says, "Sorry. He was very, very scared."
So she knows.
My little, darling granddaughter not only has it down that there is one way one talks with your classmates and another when you are with adults, but that she slipped up and has to do damage control. I thought it was going to be a few years later.
*sigh*
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November 25 , 2004
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It's Thanksgiving...
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Posted at 03:00 EST
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so, what are we thankful for?
I am thankful for:
My son. He is out on his own, just got a promotion at work and is getting paid more than I.
My daughter. She finally got a good temp job that looks like it is going to turn into something permanent. She is also a great mother to her daughter.
My granddaughter, Zara. She is five and just started kindergarten. Last week, she got some paper, folded it, stapled it and made a "book" that she wants to sell. Every day, she amazes me.
My mom, who turned 80 this summer. In August, she went with my brother and sister and their families to Grand Teton National Park and climbed up a mountain trail for three hours to the top. Two years ago, she went kayaking in Alaska. Five years ago, she climbed a waterfall in the Bahamas. Oh, and she has a mild case of lupus, yet keeps on going. I think she will outlive us all.
My country. Despite the disagreements I have with the current administration, I still believe I live in the best country on earth and at the best time. Sorry if you live elsewhere and take exception to that, but that's how I feel. I've been in half a dozen other countries, but I like it here best.
Later today, I am going up to Jewel, IA, to my sister-in-law's farm for Thanksgiving dinner and get together. My nieces Becky and LeAnne will be there. The former is in grad school in Hebrew studies and the later in seminary, both in Chicago. I am very proud of both. They and my nephews will be there. I will be very thankful for their presence.
Now, what are the rest here thankful for?
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October 23 , 2004
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Marcus
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Posted at 03:00 EST
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My son, my eldest child.
He just turned 26 last week.
For his birthday, I took him out to dinner at his favorite steak house. It was a bit pricey, but worth it.
I enjoy sitting with him and talking as one adult to another. Granted, there is still a bit of the parent/child under tone to it, but not as much as ten or even five years ago.
He's now in his own apartment and close to three years into his career as tech support for a major cable internet provider. And making more $$ than I do. I think that is just great.
This is a kid, OK, a young man, with Asperger's Syndrome. It took us years to get the right diagnosis for this. He will never be a social butterfly or your standard "hale fellow, well met," but he is a good man, one you can trust and who knows his job very well. He will do what he thinks is the right thing and not be too terribly concerned with what others think of that.
I guess his mother and I did something right.
Here he is at 18. I need to get him to sit down for an update photo:
So, now we share time and talk. Two adults.
I just hope he is as proud of me as I am of him... |
September 24 , 2004
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Middle-aged medical annoyances
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Posted at 00:00 EST
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Some days, I hate getting older.
However, it sure as hell beats the alternative.
Earlier this month, I developed an odd,red swelling on my right shin. It also involved a concomitant swelling of my lower shin, ankle and foot.
Enough so that I decided it might be a good idea to see a physician.
Turns out I had cellulitis, i.e. a nice generalised infection in my right shin.
So, the the doctor puts me on Keflex, a nice antibiotic that just nukes the shit out of most infections. It also gives one a nasty case of diarrhea.
Oh well...
Any way, I am also told to keep my leg elevated and put moist heat on it. Let me tell you, that is easier said than done. I have a wet hand towel on my shin and a heating pad on top of that and propped up on three or four sofa pillows that want to keep falling down. Even then, my ankle still stays swollen to close to half again its normal size.
I just hate being a damn invalid.
So, this all takes place on a weekend and the doctor says I can go back to work on Monday. I do, albeit with an ace wrap on my foot, ankle and lower shin. I also go to the grocery store and check out my son's new apartment. I get home take of the ace wrap and my foot and ankle balloon to twice normal size.
Damn.
I get the bright idea to toss the electric blanket on the bed at night, since I won't be able to keep the heating pad on my leg while asleep. I wake up at 3 AM, disoriented and having dreams that are close to hallucinatory. and sweating like a pig. I take my temp. 101.9F
Shit.
I turn off and toss off the blanket. By 7AM, I am down to 99.7F and my foot hurts when I put weight on it. I call in to work and tell them I won't be in. I call the doctor's office and get my ass chewed out by the nurse for being such an idiot.
However, by mid week, the problem is almost all cleared up. So, I stop at the grocery store for butter and cat food.
No problem, right?
Wrong.
As I leave the dairy section, butter in one hand and box of cat food in the other, I do not see a nice little wet spot, just about the size of a fifty cent piece on the floor. My left heel hits it, slides, and down I go, landing on my right knee. I also scare the shit out of a clerk doing inventory a few feet away..
Now, I am more embarrassed than hurt. Another customer helps me up. One of the store managers shows up and takes my name and makes sure that I am not bleeding. OK, I just want to go home and forget about this.
I do. The next day, my knee is bit stiff. More so the next day. Saturday and Sunday, the knee, calf, shin, ankle and foot swell up to twice normal size.
Oh, hell.
Back to the doctor. Exams and x-rays. I sprained the knee. Rest and the doctor writes an Rx for Celebrex. Thirty tablets, two a day. The Rx is $97. WTF?!???!
So, here I am. My ankle and foot are still twice normal size, though my knee is almost normal and I can bend it and put weight on it with out saying some very, very bad words.
I hate being an invalid (even partial).
I hate that things hurt more as I get older.
Of course, it could be worse... |
August 31 , 2004
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My granddaughter started kindergarten yesterday
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Posted at 20:00 EST
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So her grandmother, my ex, sent me this today.
I need to go get some more Kleenex... |
August 14 , 2004
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A Visitation
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Posted at 03:00 EST
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I spoke with my father tonight.
Well, not really.
It’s a literary conceit. Just go with it.
You know, he died a bit over thirty years ago. That was before the two of us could come to terms with dealing with each other as adults as well as father and child. I wish we could have done that. It might have been impossible, but I would have liked to have tried. Much like I try to do that with my own son, now two years older than I was when I lost my father. Sometimes, it works.
So, tonight, I had a little chat with my dad.
It wasn’t so much about the past and why he left us all, but about filling him in on just what is going on now.
I am seven years older than he was when he died, yet I still look at him like I have to explain myself. Much like I am still the college student, having to justify my actions. He always had that effect on me. Sort of as when I got dumped by the girl I thought I was destined to marry in my senior year. “Well,” he said then, “at least you found out now and not when you had a couple of kids.”
Odd that it turned out I did get married to someone else and get divorced after two kids. Of course, he was dead by then.
Anyway, I told him about his grandchildren. A grandson who just missed being born on his grandfather’s birthday by 4 hours, 25 minutes. A kid who when I see him walking at a distance, has the stride, pace and bearing of his grandfather so much that it makes my heart stop at times. A son who is bright and witty and such a straight arrow. Even with his faults, like everyone has, I marvel that his mother and I got so lucky.
Then there is his eldest granddaughter. This is a young woman who has had her problems, yet can be so talented and perceptive it just scares me at times. As one of her high school friends observed and she readily agrees, she is a “daddy’s girl.” A young woman who can get into such conflicts with her mother (trust me, you do not want to know), yet somehow be more apt to listen to me. Beats me why. It just gives me all the more reason not to mess up and lose that trust, from either of them.
So I tell him he’d be very proud of his grandchildren, even if he didn’t approve of some of their attitudes, much like with his own kids.
The best part is telling him about his great granddaughter. She will be five in a month and would have had him wrapped around her little finger. Just like she has me. She can write her full name, on paper or on the computer. She can tie her own shoes, rewrite songs and poems to make a joke and very seriously tell you why police officers are needed and why she wants to be one when she grows up. Really.
Well, it is late now. I’ve ruminated about my lot and dealt with my ghosts. I suspect we all have, to one extent or the other at various times. I just write about it, now and then and, sometimes, inflict it on family, friends and acquaintances. Thanks for humoring me.
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June 20 , 2004
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Travel adventures
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Posted at 17:00 EST
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As some of you know, Marc, Kate, Zara and I were in Rockford for my mom's 80th birthday a weekend ago.
We left to return to Iowa on Sunday afternoon, 6/13.
We were westbound on I-80, just into Iowa, when threse two young guys in a convertible passed us. Actually, cut in front of us. I was going just over 70 and they whip around us, trying to pass us in the inside lane and a semi in the outside lane.
However, there was a semi six car lengths ahead of us, and they got nowhere. They started tailgating the semi ahead of us. They were acting all hinky and I was sure they were going to try to pass the semi on the left shoulder.
Well, the semi finally moved to the outside lane and these guys took off, at about 85 mph. I'm keeeping an eye on them and the driver of this convertible (top down) starts checking his hair in the rear view mirror and then leaning his head out to check his hair in the side view mirror. He's weaving in and out of traffic, tailgating cars, weaving back and forth over the centerline.
So, we decide when we catch up, not speeding, but as he is bound to get caught behind a semi again, we'll get his plate number and try to find a cop. Soon enough, they go off on an exit. We follow, and find them at a gas station next to a McDonald's. The driver is having real trouble standing and getting the hose disengaged from the pump. We get a license#, good look at the guys and turn around, looking for a cop.
On the other side of I-80, we find a restaurant with 4 highway patrol cars parked out front. I go in, find them and say, "Officers, I hate to interrupt your dinner, but..." and give them an account of all this and the plate #. I tell them that if these guys aren't drunk, they are just too crazy to be out on the highway. One looks up, sighs and say, "Yeah, how long ago?", obviously implying that these guys are long gone and that he cannot do anything about it. I tell him just now and the guys are pumping gas into the car as we speak. He gets up and goes out to the parking lot w. me, points to the station and asks if that is where they are at.
As I tell him yes, Kate jumps out of the van and yells, "There they go!" pointing to the on ramp, where the two guys are now rocketing onto the highway. I confirm that is the car. The trooper jumps into his car and burns rubber out of the lot in persuit.
We got back on the road and five miles later, came upon the car, stopped with the patrol car behind it. The driver was in the patrol car. Zara was cheering, "THEY'RE GONNA GO TO JAIL!!!" Marc snaped a photo out the window with his new digital camera. He downloaded it onto his computer when we got home and blew it up. the passenger is seen leaning forward in the car, looking for something on the floor or such, looking very concerned. We are hoping there was "contraband."
The photo blow-up of the passenger is below for your viewing pleasure.

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June 6 , 2004
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More on Mom, etc.
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Posted at 03:00 EST
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Some years ago, I was talking with my mother when she was visiting for a birthday, mine or my kids', I can't recall.
As usual, things turned to my dad.
Mom met him while working for an attorney. She was a legal secretary for a good part of her working life. She was working for one of the pre-eminent attorneys in Rockford, IL at the time. One day, my dad came in, interviewing for a job as an investigator for this attorney. She looked up as he walked in. Almost fifty years after that, she told me, "I thought he was the handsomest man I had ever seen." She paused, now a widow of twenty some years, and softly added, "And I still do."
It was all I could do to keep my composure.
What can you say to that?
They, of course, began to date shortly after that. He proposed on Christmas Day, 1947. With a heavy heart, she turned him down, saying she couldn't marry him as she had to take care of her parents, then in their sixties. With no hesitation, he replied, "Then they can come live with us."
My parents were married on Valentines Day, 1948. My maternal grandparents lived with them, and then, us kids, too, until their deaths. I grew up in a three generational household, thinking it was the most natural thing in the world. Perhaps it was growing up with a continuing history that made me what I am today.
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