Do not, ever, at all, for what ever reason click on this link.
I mean it, don't!

Don't come back here and tell me you have not been warned.


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October 27 , 2008
Posted at 08:00 EST

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE

This message, and any attachments, may contain confidential patient health information that is legally protected.
This information is intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above.
The authorized recipient of this information is prohibited from disclosing this information to any other party unless required to do so by law or regulation and is required to destroy the information after its stated need has been fulfilled. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any disclosure, copying, distribution, or action taken in reliance on the contents of this message is strictly prohibited.
If you have received this information in error, please notify the sender immediately by replying to this message and delete the message from your system.

Message follows:

:P


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September 11, 2008 - 16:00

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit .

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.



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October 18 , 2006. Posted at 16:00 EST
Mind Test.

Here’s a bit of fun for you.
Follow the instruction and see what happens.






How much is:
12+18






Right! 30!






3+56






Right again, 59!






89+2






YES YES 91!






12+53






Yup! 65






75+26






You’ve got it, 101!






25+52






Yo! 77!






63+32






Good for you! 95!






I know, I know, math is hard, but there are only a few more.
You can do it!






123+5






Correct! 128!






111+222+333?






Did you get 666? Than you’d be right!!!






Quick now, think of a tool and a colour. . .






Little further down. . .






Little more. . .






Just a little more. . .






Did you think of a hammer and the colour red?

If you did NOT think of a red hammer then you are among the 2% of people that have an abnormal brain.

You see, 98% of people think of a red hammer when finishing this test.
If you don’t believe it ask someone else to take the test and see what happens.

Now, don’t you feel just absolutely thrilled to have spend, or wasted, 10 minutes on this?
Hehehe *g*


September 9, 2006 -- 07:15

Walls

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked: "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded: "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life; I don't know what itis."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They to continued watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son,
"Go get your mother and be quick about it!"

Incriminating Condoms
This story was also in the paper today.

19-year old Bobby O'Fallon of Dublin was in court,charged with stealing two Durex condows from an unattended car.
Down the hall,in another courtroom,was his girlfriend,Benadette Neeson.
She was charged with receiving stolen goods,in this case the condoms.


On Closet Sex

This was on a news paper today.

A greman housewife,in an effort to add zip to her matrimonial sex life,hid in the bedroom closet.
When her husband ebtered the room,she sprang out.

Her surprised husband sprang back in terror,crashed through the bedroom door,and then stumbled down the hall,tripping several more times and then hurtling out the hallway window.

So what does this teach us?

Never play in the closet!


New Twists on Sex Ed. in University,Part II

I found this one yesterday.

Studens in Berkeley's "Female Sexuality" course have a number of different enlightening assignments they can complete for credit.

Here are two:

1. Completing a coloring book of female genitalia.

And for the more enterprising:
2. Examining yourself with a speculum.

This last one,however,is an optional assignmnet.
Which presumably must only be open to women.

*ROTFLMAO*


New Twists on Sex Ed. in University

I was going through a catalog today,to apply for a research schollarship,and came across this...
I could not help but laught my bum off.

It's a long ways from English First.
Students at the University of Rochester have a more unique course open to them,courtesy of the English Department:
"Alien Sex: Gender and Difference in Old and New Fantasy."

Lectures include one on "Metal Lovers" which incorporates a look at Johnny Depp's film,Edward Scissorhands, and ssignments include watching Dracula,Big,The Crying Game and Star Trek.
In addition,this highly educational course answers such probing questions as:
"Do dogs,demons,incubi,succubi,androids and androgynes really offer a different sexuality or rather a way to "cross-dress" the sameness of human experience?"

For an answer to this questions,one has to take the course.

I just had to shear it with the world,it had me rolling on the floor. *LMAO*


On misread bumper stickers...

A man in Santa Clara,California was arested for displaying lewd and pornographic material on his van.
It was all a mistake,the man claimed.
For example,police misinterpreted one of his bumper stickers.
As he explained,it actually said:
"Suck my Duck".


On the US Goverment dislike of big breasts.

The bureau of alcohol,tobacco and firearms baned an Italian wine from being imported into the US.
The reason?
On the wine labels was a nude woman with large,lusicious breasts.
So the Italian wine company changed the label.
They put on a nude woman with very small breasts...
and the bureau okayed the wine.


On artistic ego and its' problems...

A famous Australian cortoonist was having an affir with a married woman.
On a whim,he decided to draw a little cortoon on the buttocks and as he always with his drawings,he signed it.
But the woman forgot to wash it off and later,when she undressed in front of her husband,he saw the cartoon..recognised the cartoonist's signature...and filed a complaint against him.

Is it a wonder that men sometimes feel ran down or dominated by women?
With all the advantages of modern life men are just not taken care of by their wifes the way they used to be just a few decades ago.
So therefore, here are a few guidelines that each woman should follow to make her man happy.
(sent to me my a dear dear MALE friend)

1. Have dinner ready for him by the time he gets home, plan the meal the day before so you can make sure it will be successful.

2. Clean the house and take a small break of about 15 mins before he arrives to get freshened up, that way you wont look tired when your hubby gets home.

3. Light a fire when its cold during the winter months, that way he can sit and relax when he gest home.

4. Eliminate all the disturbing noise, by the time youre hubby gets home. The washer, dryer and dishwasher should be turned off so he will not be disturber by it.

5. The children should also go to their rooms untill it is time for dinner, or when their father calls them. When being around their father they should always remain calm and quiet not to disturb him.

6. Greet him at the door with a smile and show him you are happy to see him. Also let him speak first, what he has to say is far more important then anything you can come up with.

7. Do not complaint when he comes home late or if he has had dinner without you. Instead try to understand taht he is a busy man and has to live by a tight schedule at work.

8. Let him sit down in a comfortable chair or lay down in the bedrrom while you get him a cold drink and his slippers. Take off his shoes and make him as comfortabel as you can.

9. Always speak to him in a calm and sensual voice, never ever yell and never fight with him.

10. Do not question him. What he has done during the day is his business not yours, remember that he is the king of the castle and always knows best so you do not have any right to question his actions, needs or oppinions.


See?
Its not wonder that men are not happy now a days, how many women do you know that live by this rules?
ROTFLMAO!

Quote:
"The song says PHENOMena...do do dee doo"

You are such a nut,and I hate you...you doodie head!
Now I cant get it out of my head!

PHENOMena

The worlds best car.

Some great info on great cars I got form a friend some time ago.

Got the blues?
Well..in that case...

Smile and... Listen to this.

If your wife says "I'm game" and you shoot her, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If you have been accused of lying through your tooth, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If you have taken a sixpack to a funeral, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If your panty lines can be seen in satellite photographs, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If your dog passed gas and you clamed it, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If your neighbours think you’re a detective because the cops always bring you home, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If you think fastfood is hitting a deer at 65 m/hrs, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If you ever sat in the toilet till your legs fell asleep, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If your daughters Barbie’s Dream House has a clothes line hanging outside, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If you wear a strapless dress with a bra that is not, youuuuu…might be a redneck

If you have ever starred at an orange juice container because it said: concentrate, youuuuu…might be a redneck

Are you a redneck???

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office.

"Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated."

"What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"

Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, Sir!" General: "Very good son, that's 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"

Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, Sir!"

General: "Even better son, that's 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds"

Soldier 3: "The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, Sir!"

General: "That's a strange but fair request, son!

As the general begins the measurement: "What! Son, where is your left pinky?"

Soldier 3: "Falkland Island, Sir!"

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other.

Instead, they were giving each other written notes.

One evening he gave her a paper where it said:

"Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."

The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock.

Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying:

"Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"