For some reason, Eriessa Marius acquired a bunch of tickets to the dress rehearsal of La Traviata by the local Opera Company. She coerced me and our friend--well let's call her "Justicia" (since that's her internet nic)--to go with her.

The disasters began at dinner. Eriessa ordered some sort of cake and it turned out to have cherries in it. She was outraged that anybody would contaminate an innocent cake with "fruit matter." The management of the restaurant was left in no doubt that some people do not appreciate the joy of fruit in their cake. I no longer eat in that restaurant. I'm afraid to go back.

The Opera Company had engaged a Famous Tenor who got sick and could not appear. So, they had to import a new one. They had no costume for this man. So… Violetta paraded around in all her lavender and lace and Alfredo wore jeans with a hole in the knee, sneakers and a really bad 'tude.

The performance was totally surreal. I wish I had a film of it. Alfredo just stood like a stick, with one hand in his jeans pocket looking like he was… well, never mind what it looked like he was doing. Every once in awhile Tito Capobianco (the artistic director and overlord) would zoom out from the wings, grab Alfredo's offending hand and position it in some more acceptable fashion. As soon as Tito disappeared, the hand returned to its pocket activities.

The Famous Soprano was miffed at Alfredo's attitude. This was unfortunate because of all the love scenes in La Traviata. She really looked like she wanted to clock him with a two by four. He never looked at HER at all. Which was awkward during the pretend smooching sequences. He just stood like a stockfish (hand in pocket) and stared vaguely at the center of the first balcony. Really, Violetta's scenes with Alfredo's dad were much warmer than her duets with Alf himself.

Now I realize it was a "rehearsal" but it was a dress rehearsal. And we paid money to see this debacle. The grand culmination of the evening came when Justicia announced (in a loud voice) "this really sucks" just as the music got all soft. Justicia has a very carrying voice. Eriessa replied (in an even louder and more carrying voice) "Yes, it does. They really ought to call this La Travesty not La Traviata."

Unfortunately, Capobianco chose that precise moment to materialize for the purpose of extracting Alfredo's hand from pocket city. Everybody in the audience froze as Tito turned majestically to search for the source of the disturbance.

My luck ran true to form and he decided that *I* was the evil presence. (The nuns in grade school always blamed me for the depredations of the person sitting next to me also. I really was a very well behaved child.)

Anyhow… Justicia had had enough. She rose from her seat and announced, "These people are such AMATEURS! I'm leaving and I have the car keys."

So Eriessa and I followed her out to the street. About a quarter of the audience slinked out in our wake.

Tito Capobianco resigned his position as artistic director and overlord of the opera company not long after that. And the Famous Soprano has never returned to town. I like to think that I played my part in opera history.