Twawel Gwuide

" Flying into the country via Trans-Gooney Airlines to the Largest City and Capital of "Nova Iona" is the city of Nova Ionaville, a tropical view to heaven on earth ( a little Jimmy Buffet music plays in the background -namely " Margaritaville "). Friendly natives meet us at the end of the ramp as we deplane. A lei of Velvet Iona Gardenias is placed around our neck as the beautiful native girls welcome us to this tropical paradise. Due to the rising economy many gracious Ionian homes can be seen from the limousine as we make our way to the golden sands beach front and The Albatross Embassy Hotel. Our itinerary for the next day will be two masted schooner sailing and snorkeling off Blackfoot Booby Beach shoals just east of the main port of call, Port Nova Opimus.

After the diving adventure, a plunge into a crystal springs pool at "The Guano Grotto" will refresh the skin and tantalize the senses. A trip now to the native market for some delightful local foods and beverages will completely satiates our growing appetites. Our tour guides will be waiting by the limousines for the rest of the tour, which of course includes slalom skiing on the fabulous Guano Hills. The economy here in The Democratic Union Of Nova Iona is almost entirely based on the giant Gooney Bird guano deposits found by the original founders (Tobius, Keir, & Jacques) of this island nation some years before. The guano has been deposited over hundreds of thousands of years by the National Bird Of State, The Gooney Bird. These vast deposits also make the local communities total independent for fuel needs. The guano has been successfully refined into automobile gasoline for nearly two years now. This production has grown to such a large amount it is now exported to the nations of the world and provides an average income for each Nova Ionian citizen that meets all necessities of life and is providing the means for a totally democratic nation without conflict or strife. One could say this country was founded and is maintained on a strata of Gooney Bird guano."

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