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article 3
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for Kazuo!
Post 1;
see in action
<style type= "text/css"> hr {color: #570000; border: 1px solid #570000;} .tablemain { background-color: #000000; border-color: #570000; border-width: 1px; border-style: solid !important; font: 15px 'Maiandra GD','Trebuchet MS',Arial; color: #E1DCC8 } .content {border-color: #570000; color: #E1DCC8; background-color: #1A0000} .pageStyleSheetBG div { background-image: url('http://www.ancientworlds.net/aworlds_media/ibase_1/00/05/83/00058394_000.gif') !important;} .button {background-color: #1a0000; border: 1px dashed #570000;} .tablemain a:link {color: #f5b800;} .tablemain a:visited {color: #f5b800;} .tablemain a:active {color: #8F0047;} .tablemain a:hover {color: #8F0047;} </style> <table class="tablemain" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="30"><tr><td> <!--ATTENTION WRITERS please put your work AFTER this hidden comment tag--> <p> TO: Most Honored Lord Sakanoue no Tamuramaro, Shogun <p> FROM: Kazuo Minamoto, Ninja, Security Section 27(a)<p> RE: Security Breach, Penglai Mountain Station<p> DATE: <span style="font-weight: normal"><span class="t_nihongo_kanji" lang="ja" xml:lang="ja">????</span><p> My Lord: </p><p> You have asked me to document the security breach that occurred near the Penglai Mountain Station last getsuyobi. To refresh your recollection, we were forewarned that Xu Fu, court sorcerer to the Chinese Emperor Qin Shi Huang, had been sent to the eastern seas to find the Elixir of Life, which would guarantee the Chinese Emperor’s immortality. Their legends said that the elixir could be found in the hands of the Eight Immortals who live somewhere in the eastern sea, in the Penglai Mountains (the Chinese, being dense, did not realize that these are situated on the Island of Japan). We were informed they had stumbled upon the Pacific coast of western Honshu, near Mt. Fuji (although they call it Feng Lai). Our spies in the Emperor's court clearly advised that a flotilla of 60 barques carrying 5,000 crew members, 3,000 virgin boys and girls, and various craftsmen, would set off from the coast of China around the evening of the new moon. Our spies are uninformed as to why the virgins were necessary, although the many carpenters and surveyors were self-explanatory. <p> As your Lordship knows, we were ordered to repel Xu Fu, the virgins, the crewmembers, and the carpenters. I took a force of 25 Ninja from our nearest encampment. We inserted ourselves on the mountain, watching the approaching foot train of singing children and sailors. A tall, handsome man dressed in Chinese court costume was being carried in a litter at the head of the bedraggled procession. I was immediately struck by the fact that this man - none other than the famous Lord Xu Fu! - was playing some kind of card game in the litter with a bedraggled coolie. Now, as your Lordship knows, the Lord Xu Fu is incredibly haughty and barely deigns to speak to the First Emperor of Qin, let alone to a coolie. I thought this worth investigating, and during a rest stop for the 8,000 travelers, managed to wriggle my way very close to the pavilion that had been set up for Lord Xu Fu and his rather dirty companion. </p><p> A screen of bamboo proved handy to the pavilion, and I was able to overhear the following suspicious conversation between Lord Xu Fu and the coolie, who apparently was female (although dressed as a male), with rather greasy red hair poking out of her hat... </p> <!--ATTN please do not edit anything after this but dont forget to include whats left in your post--> </td> </tr> </table>
Post 2:
see in action
<style type= "text/css"> hr {color: #570000; border: 1px solid #570000;} .tablemain { background-color: #000000; border-color: #570000; border-width: 1px; border-style: solid !important; font: 15px 'Maiandra GD','Trebuchet MS',Arial; color: #E1DCC8 } .content {border-color: #570000; color: #E1DCC8; background-color: #1A0000} .pageStyleSheetBG div { background-image: url('http://www.ancientworlds.net/aworlds_media/ibase_1/00/05/83/00058394_000.gif') !important;} .button {background-color: #1a0000; border: 1px dashed #570000;} .tablemain a:link {color: #f5b800;} .tablemain a:visited {color: #f5b800;} .tablemain a:active {color: #8F0047;} .tablemain a:hover {color: #8F0047;} </style> <table class="tablemain" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="30"><tr><td> <!--ATTENTION WRITERS please put your work AFTER this hidden comment tag--> <p> Luckily for me in my mission, there was a sudden commotion among the virgins. While the shouting went on, I was able to creep right next to the tent and peer under it, so I could both see and hear the deep political plotting of my Lord Xu Fu and the coolie. </p><p> Xu Fu: I’ll see you and raise you. </p><p> Coolie: I’ve played poker with Jot himself, and you’re one of the coolest hands I’ve seen. Where on earth did you learn to play poker? </p><p> Xu Fu: What do you mean? You in the west got poker from us – around 197 BC, as I recall. And all we got for it was garum, and I’ll take Thai fish sauce any day. </p><p> Coolie: By the way, pass the booze, will you Xu? </p><p> Xu Fu: (handing her a small jug). If it weren’t for an express pigeon from Olympus, I’d have had you disemboweled. I’m all for international cooperation, but can’t you bathe? Jot asked for full assistance, but you’re coming close to ruining my reputation for class, Corny. </p><p> Coolie: Sorry, my Lord Xu, but if you’d been harassed in Hellas, sent to the Underworld in Rome, battered in Babylon, nearly mummified in Egypt, played around in Celtia and Germania with gods and lunatics, and seen as much as I have of Aztec sacrifices, your personal hygiene might be a little muddy as well. You know about my quest – and I’ve bombed out six times in a row! Orient is my last hope. If I can’t find the philosopher’s stone or its equivalent <b>here</b>, I’ll have to go back to Jot and report a total failure of my mission. Not to mention, outstanding expenses that will probably have me chained to a rock with a hungry vulture nearby for the rest of eternity. But if it really means that much to you, I can take a bath. (Cornellia looked unhappily at the ice-cold stream). </p> <div style="float: left"><IMG src="http://www.ancientworlds.net/aworlds_media/ibase_1/00/12/76/00127604_000.gif" alt="Mysterious Vial" width="157" height="288" /></div> <p> Xu Fu: Never mind, Corny, I didn’t mean to rile you. You and I are pretty much in the same boat, actually. The Emperor (may he reign ever glorious!) has sent me twice on this eastern gig! I’ve been searching for these darned mountains, the Eight Immortals, and the Elixir of Life, for as long as I can remember. My marriage has gone to hell, my sons are embezzling funds from the business, and all for this “immortal Life” thing of the Emperor (may his fingernails grow longer!). </p> <p> Cornellia: You have my sympathy, Xu. Why do the head guys get these notions? Eternal life – just think about an eternity of hemorrhoids and tax returns! Endless wealth? – well, it just means you spend the rest of eternity paranoid about muggers and housebreakers. Ptchah. As far as I’m concerned, they can keep it! </p><p> Xu Fu: Well, you’ve proved resourceful so far. Just how do you suggest we find this elixir? Then we can BOTH go home! </p><p> Cornellia (whispering) Lean over here, boss, and I’ll tell you my plan . . . </p> <!--ATTN please do not edit anything after this but dont forget to include whats left in your post--> </td> </tr> </table>
Post 2:
see in action
<style type= "text/css"> hr {color: #570000; border: 1px solid #570000;} .tablemain { background-color: #000000; border-color: #570000; border-width: 1px; border-style: solid !important; font: 15px 'Maiandra GD','Trebuchet MS',Arial; color: #E1DCC8 } .content {border-color: #570000; color: #E1DCC8; background-color: #1A0000} .pageStyleSheetBG div { background-image: url('http://www.ancientworlds.net/aworlds_media/ibase_1/00/05/83/00058394_000.gif') !important;} .button {background-color: #1a0000; border: 1px dashed #570000;} .tablemain a:link {color: #f5b800;} .tablemain a:visited {color: #f5b800;} .tablemain a:active {color: #8F0047;} .tablemain a:hover {color: #8F0047;} </style> <table class="tablemain" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="30"><tr><td> <!--ATTENTION WRITERS please put your work AFTER this hidden comment tag--> <p> Corny: First, let’s face it, Xu – if you don’t get the elixir, you’re going to be flayed alive, so we need a backstory. Just in case this quest doesn’t pan out, you go back with the virgins and the carpenters and so on, and tell the Emperor that, as you sailed to the east, there was this giant sea creature that stood in your way and none of the 60 barques could pass. He’ll believe it, from what you’ve said, he’s got the IQ of a squid. </p><p> Xu Fu *nodding* Yes, that’s a good notion. </p><p> Cornellia: You tell him that you’ve got to have – oh, say, 5,000 archers to shoot the sea creature so you can continue to the east, Right? Then while he’s gathering the archers, you realize all the capital you can, divorce your wife, pick the prettiest of the virgins, and escape back here. I bet you could work with the locals and in a few years, you’d have your own little Empire to play with. </p><p> Xu Fu: But what about the elixir? </p><p> Cornellia: I happen to have divine knowledge that there’s a party of Japanese Ninja spying on us. <i>(At this, my Lord, my heart ran cold).</i> In fact, one of ‘em is sneaking around just outside the tent! <i>(my heart began to pound) </i>So you disguise me as a Ninja, we pick him up for a little extra muscle, we zip up Mount Fukuoka so I can confab with the demis there, and I’ll see if I can trick ‘em into giving me the elixir. </p><p> Xu Fu: You astound me! The Eight Immortals have terrible powers – how can you, even with the Ninja, persuade them? </p><p> Cornellia: For the gods sakes, I’m an AW demi. I can talk anyone into anything! </p><p> My Lord, if I may interject, I had just started creeping backwards to escape discovery when the Lord Xu Fu – remember, he is a notorious sorcerer! – waved his hand, a puff of smoke appeared, and I was completely paralyzed. I was obviously under a deep enchantment. Quite against my will, I rose, entered the tent, and bowed low before the coolie, who was now dressed so like a Ninja that even my own men might be taken in! And from this point on, I fear, I must tell the tale as an unwilling participant. . . </p><p> <div style="float: right; width: 350"><IMG src="http://www.ancientworlds.net/aworlds_media/ibase_1/00/12/76/00127605_000.gif" alt="Cornellia" width="349" height="252" /><br /> <span style="font-size: 14px">(a Cornellia shaped ninja?)</span></div> Cornellia, after shaking my hand, took me on a nightmarish quest up the mountain side. It was now nearly dusk. Up and down we moved, crossing deep gullies, great green rifts in the mountain side, climbing higher and higher where snow began to appear. It was as if I had no will of my own, but was forced to follow this sorcerer coolie wherever she might lead. Soon all sounds of earth disappeared. No birds, no rustles of wild life, detracted from the awesome scene as we approached the peak of the Penglai Mountains. There, legend said, we would find the Eight Immortals! – The Immortal Woman, He Xiangu; Royal Uncle Cao; Iron-Crutch Li; and the Philosopher Han Xiang, among others. And in fact, a golden pavilion appeared where ethereal creatures served platters of rice and rich fruits to the Immortals, gathered around a central table! My heart beat in terror, but Cornellia appeared calm. As they noticed our appearance, the Philosopher, Han Xiang, bowed low and checked a small paper in his hand. He said, “Are you the Chainsaw Demi, from AncientWorlds?” </p><p> Then the bargaining began. For hours and hours, Cornellia argued with the Philosopher about the meaning of life and her need for the Elixir. Much went over my head – I did not understand references to patrons’ perks and fixing the CommPanel, but apparently Han Xiang understood much. Finally, with a sigh, and the comment “Trust me, you’ll regret it!” he actually gave the Lady Cornellia a tiny glass vial!! Although I could not speak, my mind raced. I thought of bringing back to you, my Lord, and to the Great Emperor, this priceless, unimaginable gift. Evil thoughts began to run through my mind. If there was any way I could throw off the enchantment, I could steal the vial when Cornellia slept – for it was now late, and I could see she was wearier than I! – and then, eternal life and endless wealth would be mine! I apologize, my Lord – it must have been the enchantment that put such evil thoughts into my mind. But it came to no good, as you shall see.... </p> <!--ATTN please do not edit anything after this but dont forget to include whats left in your post--> </td> </tr> </table>
Post 4:
see in action
<style type= "text/css"> hr {color: #570000; border: 1px solid #570000;} .tablemain { background-color: #000000; border-color: #570000; border-width: 1px; border-style: solid !important; font: 15px 'Maiandra GD','Trebuchet MS',Arial; color: #E1DCC8 } .content {border-color: #570000; color: #E1DCC8; background-color: #1A0000} .pageStyleSheetBG div { background-image: url('http://www.ancientworlds.net/aworlds_media/ibase_1/00/05/83/00058394_000.gif') !important;} .button {background-color: #1a0000; border: 1px dashed #570000;} .tablemain a:link {color: #f5b800;} .tablemain a:visited {color: #f5b800;} .tablemain a:active {color: #8F0047;} .tablemain a:hover {color: #8F0047;} </style> <table class="tablemain" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="30"><tr><td> <!--ATTENTION WRITERS please put your work AFTER this hidden comment tag--> <p> We bowed to the Immortals, who looked at us quizzically, and then began our journey back down the mountain. Finally, close on midnight, we arrived at the camp of Xu Fu, and he was waiting for us, garbed in his night-dress and with a small lantern glowing in the black night. With a smile, Cornellia put the vial on the table. </p><p> Cornellia: What did I tell you, Xu? Now, here’s what I suggest. You take half of this, and I’ll take the other half. We’ve won! Although frankly, I don’t know quite why they were willing to let it go. Maybe they’re tired of being Immortal and willing to let someone else have a go! </p><p> Xu Fu: I must embrace you, Cornellia. I would not have thought it possible. At last, I am free! I don’t have to properly found Japan, I can go back to my books and studies, the Emperor will owe me big time. You are brilliant! </p><p> At this, I suddenly felt the unseen power over me vanish as if a bad dream. For the first time, I could talk! And a devious idea sprang full-blown into my head. Bowing low, for the first time I spoke, saying “My Lord, my Lady Cornellia – but do we know if this does, in fact, work? We should try it on someone first! What if this elixir is poison? It would result in the death of us all, if the Emperor should be destroyed! I am a simple soldier, I will volunteer to be the guinea pig. </p><p> Cornellia looked at me skeptically, then poured out a tiny amount in a sake cup and passed it over. “We can’t pass up an offer like that” she said, with an apologetic look at Xu Fu. </p><p> Now was my moment! In a flash of insight, I saw myself immortal – gifted with eternal wealth, and surely, soon, eternal power! I would rule Japan! I would invade China and replace its Emperor! Forgive me my Lord, I was not yet in my right senses. Grabbing the cup, with insane courage, I drank it all. </p><p> My Lord, I could never describe the horrific feelings that immediately oppressed me. Everything began to spin, and at first, I thought – indeed, this is poison! THIS was why the Immortals were willing to part with it! It has all been a terrible trick! Then something most unexpected happened. First, Cornellia and Xu watched me with caution – then they began to chuckle – then both of them lay down and roared with laughter. “Gods!” croaked Cornellia. “Those sneaky bastards! No wonder no one’s stolen it before! – no one in their right mind would want to live all eternity like THAT!” </p><p> Xu Fu was laughing so hard, he was purple in the face. “So much for eternal youth – we forget how awful it is! Thank the gods you gave me an option, Cornellia” he managed to get out, “The gods will have their revenge! and you’re right, no one on earth would want to spend the rest of eternity as Britney Spears!” </p><p> At this, I looked at myself in the mirror hanging on the side of the tent, and realized I’d turned into a small, pouting, woman in very little clothing and wearing a gigantic white-trash-blonde wig! I was filled with horror and fell, crying, on my knees before Xu Fu. “Hang on, I think I can fix this” he cried, and gave me a second potion to drink. After five unpleasant minutes, I was myself again – and very glad to be so! I do not know who this demon Spears is, but by their reaction, she must be deeply cursed! </p><p> The rest of my tale is quickly told. Cornellia hugged Xu Fu, told him to forget about her poker winnings, and philosophically said she’d have to return to Olympus with the news for Jot that he didn’t want the Elixir of Life at any price, unless he wanted to feature in the tabloids. Xu Fu agreed to the giant fish and archer gambit, and took his virgins, carpenters, and sailors back towards their ships. I, as you know, was delighted to see the back of the lot of them, and have thus truly spoken in my report. </p><p> Respectfully submitted, </p><p> Kazuo Minamoto, Ninja # 1 </p> <!--ATTN please do not edit anything after this but dont forget to include whats left in your post--> </td> </tr> </table>
opentest
~ Table of Contents ~
article 4
article 6
article 7
notes
article 5
article1
article2
article 3
article 8
article 10
Posted
Oct 14, 2005
- 15:25 , Last Edited:
Oct 17, 2007
- 01:53
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