To Lucius Julius Caesar does Valeria Flaccia Aemiliana send greetings.

If you are well, I am well. This letter has taken me forever to find the time to write. I’ve managed to squeeze time while my hair is being dressed. I dare say my writing shall be interrupted many times, since my bedroom is always filled with people. Merula asks me about every little thing and will take a long time to figure out what to do as paterfamilias of such an illustrious family, but that’s no more than anyone else in his position would do. I have several house slaves asking about the private dinner after the funeral and more slaves asking what to do about the several guests. You’re not in Rome and wouldn’t know, but the domus is so filled with guests that we’ve had to use the homes of Aunt Aemilia and Tertia. We even had to postpone the funeral every time someone important lets us know they shall be in attendance. Between our guests and their retinues, I swear that we’ve gone through enough food to feed a town of moderate size if not a country.

Still, it is wonderful to see how much Tata was respected and how far the respect went. Really, I had no idea how much he did in the interest of peace. I always thought of him as a witty man who appreciated the female mind and who was kind beyond words. From the moment of my entry into the domus as Merula’s bride, I was treated as nothing less than a daughter of the house. Few men would do the same. I was made absolute mistress of the house and given all the keys, and I will make sure that no false stories of a man who became a second father to me are told.

I miss him so much. Even with all the noise in the house, something feels like it’s missing. I weep in private, since someone needs to appear strong. Someone must handle all the small details and make sure all the guest are properly taken care of according to their rank. The house will run smoothly and there will be comfort for all that seek me out.

Then, I shall have that breakdown I’m desperately trying to stave off until everyone leaves. I want to weep for no reason at all and feel depressed. Merula doesn’t see me as a woman any more. I am the mother of the Aemili heir, a perfect housekeeper, and a wonderful companion to discuss politics with. Half a dozen times a day, I want to scream and remind him that many men in Rome would jump at the chance to rekindle the fire within me. But, I have lost my voice. I could not scream even if I remembered how.

That is why I plan to go to Athens this summer. Among my mother’s family, I might become inflamed with passion again and be able to scream. Perhaps, I shall go back to being Rina, who could do nothing but laugh. At the very least, it will be nice to have freedom to lie on a beach or climb a tall tree. Oh, or go horseback riding. I’m quite good when it comes to riding. I can hang from the underside of a horse and hit the bull’s eye on twelve targets. Before you applaud such things, I had years of practice and still need a few trial runs beforehand. The Calli claim to be descended from Amazons and heaven forbid one of the women doesn’t prove it.

I must center myself in the present right now. I say I plan to go to Athens, but it is just a plan. Besides, I find freedom in the nursery. You should see my children. They are so beautiful and hardly ever cry. Margarita flirts with any male who comes in the room and Albinus insists on having what he wants then. Perhaps I should apologize to Rome now and get it over with. The little monsters are mine, though, and I shall think that they are the best children in Rome. Hopefully, they will turn well and I will have done my job properly, even if Merula says that they’re taking in stubbornness with their milk. At least they’re not taking in pride.

You shall know what a great joy children are when you and your lovely bride have some. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I won’t repeat what Merula said about the match, no matter how flattering it was to me. Perhaps you two will take a little cruise and explore some secluded coves. She shall love a man of your qualities and you do have an excellent future ahead of you. I hope to meet her this summer. Do bring her to the oikos. It is quite a shame that I shall miss Messalina. Tata seemed to hold him in esteem and Claudia Juniana says that she’s exceptionally amusing.

However, Athens itself is enough of a delight to make me dream of lovely beaches and blue water. I can’t wait to lie on a rock in the sun like a lizard or to have a picnic in this delightful cove behind a waterfall. I shall have my seventeenth birthday on the longest day of the year and have been told that there will be the most delightful party for the occasion. Perhaps I shall even arrive in time to attend your wedding. May you be as happy as I am and never forget your anniversary like some husbands who don’t even mark the day with a token gift. I dare say that our relationship is more storge than eros, but perhaps that means only that we shall be able to resume where we left off, even if the time apart has been long. It’s a conformable, safe relationship and it suits to be equal companions before anything else.

I shall miss Merula when he leaves. The house will be even emptier, but I shall manage to pass the time away and perhaps take more than one trip outside of Rome. Merula will leave for Africa right after the funeral, and has stayed in Rome much longer than he should. I am sure he has a backlog of letters waiting for him and his work is less fun than seeing off a myriad of guests and getting one’s home back.

How I do gossip. Really, I should tell you of politics and the Senate goings on, but all I have is meaningless things to talk about and I don’t even give you the juiciest news my slaves tell me. Forgive me for fearing to slander a possibly innocent person. If my name were ever associated with unkindness towards slaves or unchasity, I would like to think that most people would do the same.

My hair is dressed now in a rather charming arrangement of pearls and curls. It’s time to make small talk with Merula’s clients and then go to the nursery to see my little darlings. Motherhood is one of the most wonderful things in the world. Be well and may your future bride be pleasing and attractive.